I've never in my life been a "picky eater." Even as a little kid, I scarfed down a lot of foods kids (and even a lot of adults) typically claim to hate... broccoli, brussel sprouts, lima beans, boiled cabbage, canned spinach....liver and onions! I've never met a vegetable I didn't like (well, except for beets, gross), or a dish I wouldn't at least try. I've always claimed to "eat everything," and I'm sure it's because we had limited exposure to processed food growing up and we were expected to eat what was in front of us. (Thanks, mom!)
But now...for the first time in my life, I actually have a list of foods I don't like; and it's mainly because of the overwhelming abundance and repetition of certain ingredients and dishes in my new hometown.... Basically, I miss when Mexican ingredients were on the rotation of all the different cuisines we ate, instead of it being what we eat more often than not. To summarize: Three years in and I'M SO SICK OF TACOS!!!
Aside from my new food aversions being ironic given that we live in a taco-abundant country, there are also many facts about living in Mexico that are probably pretty hard for some people back home to wrap their heads around. I mean... I bought sunless tanning lotion before a trip back to Portland last summer, in an attempt to give my pasty skin a bit of color so I wouldn't have to hear, "How are you so white?!?!" from my friends and family. Ironic, right?
Read on for more unexpected ironic-isms and blasphemes....
- IRONY #1 - Like I said, I don't like tacos (anymore.)
Locals (and Ty) will eat some form of tortilla with meat and different salsas on it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I'm not trying to stereotype here... It's the truth. If we have to drive into La Cruz before 8-9am, every mom and pop taco stand along the highway is jam-packed with men sitting down to their "breakfast tacos" (that's mine and Ty's name for them, Mexicans just call them...well, breakfast) on their way to work.
I used to squeal with excitement on "Taco Tuesday" just like any other basic white girl, but that was before they were offered on every local menu. (And then Ty constantly wanting to make them at home too. Blech.) Don't get me wrong, I'll choke down a taco now and then for the sake of other peoples' restaurant preferences... (Hello to all my Tacos on the Street Fanatics!!) But it hasn't been my first choice (or second or third or fourth...) since probably our first year here. Fried shrimp tacos, fish tacos, carne asada, birria (slow-cooked goat), shredded chicken, smoked marlin, pastor (pork slow-cooked on a spit with pineapple.) You name it, I'm over it.
My new dislike of tacos probably also has something to do with missing "tacos" as I knew them before... Hard shell tacos used to be my favorite kind, and they are NOT a thing in our area. You won't find a box of perfectly-made Ortega hard shells at the grocery store, so you can just go home and make them like your mom used to when you were a kid complete with yellow cheddar and sour cream...
On a related note... You know that pre-made taco seasoning you buy in packets to mix in with your ground beef? You can't buy that here either. Many of our local Canadian and American friends ask people to stash it in their suitcases when they come to visit. This is extra hilarious, because when we moved and I was emptying out our spice cabinet, I gave a Costco-sized container of taco seasoning away, thinking, "Of course, it'll be really easy to get this in Mexico!" Hahaha. Silly girl.
- IRONY #2 - I miss Taco Bell.
I admit it! I realize this one is extra ironic considering #1, but it's true. I know it's super blasphemous considering all I have to do to find fresh, authentic Mexican food is walk out my front door; and that Taco Bell is "Mexican food" as much as Dominos Pizza is "Italian," but if I told you that I didn't make a beeline for a Crunch Wrap Supreme every time I touch down in the States, I'd be lying to you. (I just Googled "Taco Bell near me" and the nearest one is in McAllen, Texas. I'm sure Mexican abuelitas everywhere would be rolling in their graves if a Taco Bell chain popped up in their little pueblo, so I won't hold my breath.)
I also just miss fast food in general... It was never something I ate regularly since we cook most of our meals at home, but sometimes a girl just wants the convenience of hustling through a drive-thru for a Wendy's chicken sandwich while out and about. (The nearest drive-thru is a Carl's Jr. 3 towns away.)
- IRONY #3 - Avocado is so cheap and abundant, that I'm absolutely sick of it.
Same goes for guacamole. I'll only eat it to be polite at this point. (Don't hate me.)
When we first moved here, Ty was in absolute amazement at the low price of groceries that he would buy heaps of mangoes and other produce that used to cost us a small fortune and was considered a "special treat." (You can read more about the cost of groceries on my post entitled "Reverse Sticker Shock.")
I just checked a recent receipt, and we paid about 60 cents per avocado. I remember when avocados would go "on sale" for 2 for $5.00 in the States and I was all like, "What a steal!!" So... Our first year here, Ty felt the need to put avocado on evvveeeeerrrryyything because it was so cheap. And I mean everything. Eggs? Top it with avocado. Sandwich? Make an avocado spread. Spaghetti? Why not. It's to the point now where I don't even care for avocado on things I used to love it with... Chili, salads, wraps, etc. Ty, however, is still smothering the green gold on everything. Hard pass.
- IRONY #4 - I'm rarely tan.
As I mentioned above, whenever we have friends visiting or we're planning a trip North, I begrudgingly add, "get a tan," to my to-do list because I don't want grief for being Casper the Friendly Gringo Ghost.
When you live in a place that averages a high of 85 degrees (30 degrees Celsius) year-round... You actively hide from the sun, you don't go looking for it! Therefore, I am a pasty white girl 92% of the time and slathering sunscreen on my face and chest multiple times per day has become a part-time job. Besides it being too frickin hot to be in the sun, I'm also terrified of looking like a sun-damaged leather bag by the time I'm 40 or having to get cancerous sun spots cut out of my face. So, I'll stay in the shade, thanks.
- IRONY #5 - It rains more (in inches) in Puerto Vallarta than it does in Seattle.
Speaking of the weather... My Pacific-Northwesters will appreciate this ironic fact. When people (who've never lived anywhere near the Pacific Northwest) think of Seattle, they think of three things: the Space Needle, that cheesy rom-com with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, and LOTS of rain. But amazingly, Vallarta actually gets about 65 inches per year compared to Seattle's 38 inches despite the fact that Seattle's rainy season is twice as long. Go figure.
- IRONY #6 - We never go to the beach (even though it's only a 2-minute walk from our house.)
Okay, so not "never" but seriously...we've gone once in the last, like, 6 months maybe? This one is related to #4 and one of the reasons we're never tan. Even on the rare occasion we do go to the beach, we smother ourselves in SPF 50 and hide under a big umbrella. Besides wanting to avoid getting a sunburn, I just don't care for the beach... It's nice to look at or to walk on, but I rarely even get my feet wet. Swimming in the ocean is like taking a bath and coming out dirty, sandy, sticky, salty and gross instead of clean. (I sound super fun, don't I?)
Walking Bloo on the beach by our house...
Walking Bloo on the beach by our house...
- IRONY #7 - I prefer to wear long pants even though it's hot as BALLS everyday.
- IRONY #8 - Much to my DISMAY, the wrong pronunciation of my name is stuck with me forever
All my life, my name has been mispronounced, mis-remembered and misheard so frequently, that I started assuming that if someone was using any variation of my name, they must be talking to me... So, I've begrudgingly learned to respond to: Alisha, Aleesia, Melissa, Alisa, etc. I've even been called "Elizabeth" a few times for crying out loud.
In Spanish, the vowels are always pronounced the same way. Unlike English, there are not 3 or 4 ways to say each letter. (Beginner Spanish learners, write this rule down... es muy importante!)
- A = is always pronounced "AH" (There are zero Spanish words with A's pronounced like "cat" or "apple.")
- E = is always pronounced "AY" as in "HAY" (or "EH?" for my Canadian friends!)
- I = is always pronounced "EE" (Now you see where this is going, don't you...)
- O = is always pronounced "OH" (Even when you see a Spanish word with double Os, they're still each individually said as "OH" and not together as "OOO." Microonda is the word for microwave and it's pronounced mee-CROW-OWN-duh...not mee-CROON-duh. Which is why I think it's cute when Mexicans stress the "book" in "Facebook" because it's an unnatural vowel combination for them and they're trying hard to say it correctly.
- U = is always pronounced "OO" (That's why música is pronounced mooo-si-ka not mew-si-ka, as it's commonly mispronounced by Northerners.)
Yes, there are some pronunciation variations when two vowels are paired together in a word, but you get my point. Looooooong, story short... When I started speaking Spanish with locals and said, "Me llamo ALISSA" they automatically say it back to me as "ALEESA" because they don't have my version of the letter "I" in their vocabulary... I'd repeat it correctly, and they'd say it back to me the only way that makes sense to them. Getting Mexican friends to attempt to pronounce my name correctly is like them trying to get me to roll my Rs - it's simply never going to happen because it's a completely foreign "mouth movement" to both of us.
It didn't take me too long to accept the irony that the name I grew up hating was now my permanent name (I even introduce myself to Spanish-speakers as "Aleesa" now to save us all a headache), but it is what it is.
- IRONY #9 - I had never met a Canadian until we came to Mexico.
It's 100% true! Despite being born near Seattle, Washington, less than 100 miles from the border and spending most of my life in the Pacific Northwest... I had never been to Canada or (knowingly) met a Canadian until we first visited La Cruz in 2013. No lie. Now, I'd say about 96% of our friends and acquaintances are Canadian and Ty and I are the American minorities in every get-together.
This ironic fact has been a really entertaining one, however... We like to tease our Canadian friends about their ever-present beer koozies (cozies?) and their accents they think they don't have (sooory not sooory), and they tease us for saying "4 beers" instead of "4 beer" and not understanding temperatures in Celsius.
On a related note.... I had never watched a hockey game on TV until we moved here, or even knew there was such a thing as the Canadian Football League or what the Grey Cup is, believe it or not. (It's the equivalent of the Super Bowl for those of you also scratching your head.) Their football season happens much earlier than the NFL (I assume because of the winter weather?) so if we go to a sports bar in November hoping to catch a Seahawks game, it's a very different scene than what we're used to, and everyone's wearing jerseys for teams I've never even heard of. Overall, it's been really shocking to realize how little we're taught about our Neighbors to the North while growing up in the U.S., and that it took moving farther away from Canada to learn anything about it. What's up with that?
- IRONY #10 - I feel safer in Mexico than I did in Seattle. (Not an exaggeration.)
I get a good laugh out of U.S. "safety warnings" about traveling to Mexico because I feel waaaaay safer in the Vallarta area than I ever did when we lived south of Seattle. Back home, I didn't even feel safe enough to walk Bloo around our neighborhood by myself thanks to desperate, homeless meth heads living in the parks and armed gang bangers shooting at each other. When I went to the grocery store, I would park as close to the entrance as possible, because on more than one occasion I was approached by junkies in the parking lot begging me for money or a ride somewhere...to the point of trying to open my car doors and forcing themselves inside like a bunch of zombies.
In the brief two months that I worked in downtown Seattle, I saw a homeless woman beaten in public by her "boyfriend" while others just watched it happen; I had to step over used syringes while walking to and from the train station; and I always made sure to leave work before it started getting dark because I didn't feel comfortable walking alone.
In the brief two months that I worked in downtown Seattle, I saw a homeless woman beaten in public by her "boyfriend" while others just watched it happen; I had to step over used syringes while walking to and from the train station; and I always made sure to leave work before it started getting dark because I didn't feel comfortable walking alone.
Yes, there is violence in Mexico. Yes, there are drug cartels. Yes, there are places you shouldn't travel to... But you can say the same thing about a lot of big cities in the States. In our area, there isn't anything I feel uncomfortable doing alone...and off the top of my head, I can't recall a single time I've felt unsafe in the last 3 years.
As long as you're using your head and not looking for trouble, you'll be just fine in most parts of Mexico. Just for laughs...
- IRONY 11# - Our lives aren't much different than before.
I know some of our friends and family back home think we are "living the dream," and don't get me wrong... We get to have a lot more fun now than we did when we were grinding away in the States, but our lives aren't much different than they used to be.
Sure, we get woken up by chirping birds instead of an alarm clock and we have to dodge iguanas in the street while driving sometimes... But, we have to pay bills and rent, we have to get the oil changed, we go to Costco, going to dinner and a movie is still our go-to date night, we binge-watch Netflix, we go to appointments, go to bed early, walk the dog, clean the house, and say, "What should we make for dinner tonight?" just like the rest of the world. So, no need to be too jealous of our exotic (sweaty) lives South of the Border. Jaja.
Well, now that this morning's thunderstorm is dying down, we're off to Vallarta to go to our favorite pizza place and then to see the Lion King (for my birthday!) Adios!
