NopeNopeNopeNopeNope

It has happened.  The inevitable has happened.  I've finally reached maximum NOPE status and I'm thiiiiiiiis close to packing my bags and high-tailing it out of Mexico and heading for less terrifying climates.  To say I am ready for winter is the world's biggest understatement.  I need all of the creepy crawlies to go back to hell where they came from!!!  

Yesterday, while simply moving a chair out of my way, I found this DEMON MONSTER underneath and I gasped loud enough for the neighbors to hear before screaming bloody murder for Ty.  He found me shaking and pointing aggressively at the floor.... 

Granted, this killer beast was dead when I found it... (Ortho Home Defense perimeter spray is the only way I can sleep at night) but that didn't stop me from shrieking and standing on furniture so as not to be on the same surface as it.  That's normal, right?  If I had seen that thing ALIVE and crawling across the floor, for sure I woulda given myself a heart attack from all of the screaming and hyperventilating.  I'm getting woozy just thinking about it.  And if this is the shriveled up version of it...how big was it before???  I can't even.  

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING???"  A quick Google search (which is never a good idea) of "giant spider with tiny pinchers" informed us that this thing of my future nightmares, isn't a spider....in fact, it is a "tailless whip scorpion."  OH, AWESOME.  OF COURSE THERE IS A SCORPION THAT LOOKS LIKE A SPIDER.  Kill me.  This is the part where I spent a solid 15 minutes jumping frantically around our living room because I felt like things were crawling on me, which led to me jumping in the pool to calm my itchy skin and then dry-heaving every time I thought about the fact that I just found a giant scorpion-spider hybrid with legs eight feet long.  

And, just two weeks ago, I found a "normal" scorpion munching on a cockroach and I thought THAT was the grossest thing I had seen so far.  I thought for sure that couldn't be topped.  That had to be the highest level of grossness, right?  Even after alllllll of the things I wrote about in my last post about my disgusting encounters with creatures from the underworld...I thought I was done being out-noped.  But, NOOOOOPE.  

In case you're wondering, these toddler-sized scream-inducers are not poisonous or harmful to humans according to this blog post I read (aka skimmed through while not looking directly at the photos, because, gross.)  So that means their sole purpose is to haunt your dreams.  Have fun trying to sleep tonight.  You're welcome.    

And because misery loves company....heeeeeeere you go.