No Hablo Español: Accidentally Rude

If you've followed my blog for a while or are friends with me on Facebook or in real life, you know that I talk about learning Spanish a LOT.  Like, to the point of it being annoying.  But that's because it's literally taken...over...my...LIFE.  I have to speak a ton of Spanish every single day because our hotel staff speaks zero English (nor do I expect them to learn any.)  But also, we live in a Spanish-speaking country and I'm Bound and Determined (get it) to become fluent even if it kills me.  

So far:

• I've taken 3 six-week courses with a retired English teacher (an American) who has lived in Mexico for a bazillion years and now teaches "practical Spanish" to expats and snow birds (Hi, Sean!), and I'm currently attending my 4th course with him in "Advanced Intermediate" with just two other students.  
• I've spent hours and hours studying on my own and working through a college-level workbook (not lately, I need to get back on that.)
• I spent a month in San Miguel de Allende going to Spanish immersion school for 20+ hours per week last fall. 
• I fumble through several conversations per week with the housekeeper about the hotel schedule and logistical/maintenance stuff.  (Thankfully, she is patient and kind and uses verbs and nouns she knows that I know.  And, hilariously, she "translates" for me -- still in Spanish, mind you -- when I don't understand another Spanish-speaker.) 
• I'm constantly looking up how to say something or checking Google Translate before I'm going to be in a situation where I'll need to speak Spanish, and also after-the-fact to make sure what I said was correct(ish.) 
• I have to text, email and message a ton of Mexican guests, rental inquiries and vendors.  (Which I actually prefer.  I'm way better at "speaking" Spanish on paper than I am in real life, unfortunately.)
• I have to answer a lot of local phone calls.  If you've ever had a Spanish-speaking person call you on the phone, you understand that being able to communicate on the phone is like winning the Gringo Olympics.  I absolutely do a victory dance in the living room afterwards if I understand even 50% of the conversation. 
• I ONLY speak Spanish in stores, bars, restaurants, etc. in an effort to practice as much as possible...even if the staff speaks perfect English and responds to me in English, I still only speak Spanish. (Which can be a total downer, because sometimes I'm made to feel like I'm "showing off" by other English-speaking patrons in the vacinity...when really I'm just working my ass off to better myself and to adapt to the country I live in.  Roll your eyes at me for speaking Spanish in Mexico, and I'll roll mine even harder when you DON'T!)  
• And we've lived in Mexico full-time for almost two years...aaaaaaand I still feel inept and discouraged every single day.  

I need to be prouder of myself for how far I've come, because when we moved here I didn't even know how to say, "My name is Alissa," but as a perfectionist, I struggle to appreciate how far I've come compared to how far I still have to go.  (I'm also stubborn enough to not move out of Mexico until I'm 110% fluent...sorry, family!) 

And, not to sound arrogant, but I've never not excelled at the things I've chosen to do in life:

• Waitressing during/after high school?  I bought my first car with cash, I moved out on my own at 17 and was a homeowner by 21 because I busted ass waiting tables 50-hours per week instead of going to college.  
• Corporate life?  Even though I was originally hired to answer the phones as a 20-year old "kid", 5 years later I had more than tripled my salary and was managing a group of men more than twice my age (in a male-dominated field and without a college education, no less.)  
• Going to college studying Exercise Physiology in my late 20s?  Finished with a 4.1 GPA while taking 18+ credits per term and tutoring 8 other classmates at the same time.  One of my professors told me that I had the highest overall grades in the history of the program and that she thought I should consider medical school.  (Didn't know your sarcastic little nobody was wicked smart, did you?!?!  Yeah... I hide it well.)
• Personal trainer and bootcamp instructor at three different gyms in Seattle?  BADASS BOSS LADY with a client waiting list, a devoted following and in the strongest shape of my life. 
• Living in a foreign country?  Fat, sweaty, itchy and constantly complaining about living in paradise. (Which you already know by now.)  

So, yeah, I thought I would be fluent and accustomed and acclimated long before the one-year mark, let alone the two-year mark.  But apparently I'm not Superwoman after all.  Bummer.  

Enter Spanish:  During my never-ending quest to learn (and pointlessly try to perfect) speaking Spanish, I've made it a priority to at least not be unintentionally rude by way of ignorance or lack of confidence in the meantime.  What I mean by that is... We, as non-Spanish speakers, unintentionally "ignore" Mexicans in certain situations simply because we don't know what to say!  If you were up North on your morning walk and you passed by another person, you'd say, "Good morning," or at least give them a nod or a smile, right?  Here, I see far too many tourists and expats not even acknowledging Mexicans (even if they have to interact with them directly, such as a cashier) simply because they don't know HOW to acknowledge them or what to say.  

So...here are a few of my favorite, simple ways to remedy some of the awkward, silent moments you might encounter on a daily basis living in (or visiting) the beautiful Banderas Bay:  

Con permiso -  With permission.  This is used when you're passing in front of someone or when you need to get by someone, etc.  It's the equivalent of saying "excuse me" when you need to step into or near someone's personal space, essentially... Like if someone is standing in a grocery aisle mulling over the tortilla selection and you need to walk in front of them to get through, you'd say, "Con permiso," as you walk passed.  It's a very easy way to be polite and conscious of your surroundings and other people.  

If I'm walking down a sidewalk and I have to walk in between two people having a conversation, and I quietly say, "Con permiso," as I walk by, I can almost feel them relax... Like I'm not just another white lady pretending they're invisible.  (Sorry if that offends you...but, oh wait, I'm not sorry.)  

Buenas tardes (or noches, etc.) - Good afternoon.  This one is much like "con permiso" in that I can literally sense people let out a sigh of relief when I say it.  If you've lived here a while you might've noticed that everyone greets everyone before they continue to say anything else.  Whenever I walk into a tienda, greet a cashier, pass someone on the street, get on the bus, call for a taxi, etc., I always rattle off, "Hola, buenas tardes," immediately.  Even if I'm talking to no one in particular, (like when we're getting on the bus and just talking to the "room") it's just *what you do* here.  And when I say it, I feel like the cashier or bus driver (or whoever is silently groaning about having to deal with my white ass) is automatically relieved that I'm not a tourist.  

Yesterday, Ty and I walked the beach into La Cruz to have dinner and he popped into a corner store on the way.  I waited outside and leaned against the exterior of the building to finish responding to an email on my phone next to a bunch of 30-something guys carrying on in Spanish... It looked like they had just gotten off work because they were all sitting around with a cold beverage "shooting the shit."  I wasn't paying too close attention, but could understand some of what they were saying to each other and after I caught a few curse words and the word "blancos," I knew they weren't exactly saying anything kind about Ty and I, even though we were just minding our own business.  (Fun fact:  Racism and prejudice exist in every country, in case you've never been a minority anywhere.) 

So when Ty came out of the store, I went over to him and we walked passed the group of men, and, very routinely and non-nonchalantly, I said, "Buenas tardes" in my very passable/pretty impressive Spanish accent to the group of them while not really looking up from my phone.  Needless to say, every single one of them looked shocked and then meekly mumbled, "Buenas tardes," back to me and then went completely silent until we were out of earshot.  The expression on their faces was kinda like, "Ooops, they aren't tourists."  I got a good kick out of surprising them, but I wasn't even mad they were speaking poorly of us... Unfortunately, I'm often embarrassed by the behavior of other "white people" here and I don't blame the locals for not liking some of them/us. 

Side note:  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a tourist -- the world should be explored, but its people should also be respected.  Vallarta gets 1.5 million tourists from the US and Canada every year and I imagine that the locals have a lot of frustrating personal experiences with tourists who don't speak a word of Spanish, or worse.  I have personally seen tourists complaining about/to workers in the hospitality or the service industry because they don't speak English...in MEXICO.  Who are we that we're so frickin important that every other country needs to learn OUR language??  I damn near punched a woman in the face at WalMart once because I was so disgusted by the way she was talking to an employee because he didn't speak English...but I digress.  

Tenga un buen día! - Have a good day!  I mostly say this one to the cute, elderly baggers at the grocery store after giving them their "propina" and a grateful smile for bagging up my items, but it's something you can use everywhere.  Servers, gas station attendants, your hair stylist, cashiers...they'll all be pleasantly surprised if you bust this out as you're leaving.  (I hear this one mumbled through a lot and the "un" gets skipped... "Tenga buen día" or even just "buen día" is what I usually rattle off in real life.) 

• Afterthought:  That's another thing... In case you didn't already know, the baggers at Mega, Chedrauri, etc. only get paid in tips, and I see a lot of people sorta just toss a coin down on the counter in their direction (or not tip at all.)  I make sure to purposely place the coins in their HAND while looking them in the face and thanking them with a smile.  Every single time.  People really just want to be treated with respect and kindness.  It's that simple, folks.   

Quisiera - "I would like..." (pronounced kee-see-era.)  This is a good one to use in a restaurant or somewhere where you're asking for something you would like to have or receive from someone.  "Quisiera tres tacos de camarones, por favor."  (I would like 3 shrimp tacos, please.)  

• Side note:  For those of you thinking, "I thought 'me gustaría' means, "I would like!" Yes, it also means, "I would like," but more in the way of:  "I would like to go to the movies tomorrow."  Not really when you're ordering food or asking a locksmith to make you an extra set of keys, etc.
• Second site note:  Can we all just agree to tip like we do at home?!  I have seen a lot of appalling tips left for servers in the past two years.  One time we watched a family of three Americans (who live here) run their server for hours getting food and drinks and then the dude flipped a 5 peso coin on the table before leaving.  FIVE FLIPPIN PESOS!  Unless the service is legitimately terrible (which is super rare), we still tip 15%-20% in restaurants here.  If you can afford to rack up a $600 peso bar tab, but you can't afford the $120 peso tip that goes with it because you're "on a budget," then you need to stay home and cook your own dinner, in my opinion.  The locals that we rely on everyday, work very hard for very little.  

Igualmente! - "Same to you!"  This is a quick and easy way to say "Same to you!" when someone tells you something kind like, "Buen día!" or "Feliz Navidad!" 

Gracias a tí - "Thank YOU."  Usually, the "gracias" is skipped though, so you'll just hear, "a ti" or "a usted."  This is said when someone thanks you and you want to say the equivalent of, "No, thank YOU."  It's similar to "igualmente" but I use it when my hair stylist makes me look like an acceptable, frizz-free lady for a day.  

Es igual - This is the polite way of saying, "Either way is fine with me," when you don't really care one way or another.  While we were at an Italian restaurant recently, I ordered soup and a side salad and the server asked which one I'd like first.  I shrugged and smiled and said, "Es igual."  The look he gave me made me feel like I won Best Gringo of the Week Award, because not only did I understand his question, but I answered politely.  Ten Spanglish points for me! 

• What NOT to say in this scenario:  "No me importa"... While it technically translates to, "I don't care," it's considered very rude, because to a native speaker it means, "I don't care about what you're saying." 

Claro que sí - "Of course!"  Like when you want to say more than just "yes" when someone asks you something... Our housekeeper often (meekly) asks me if she can pour herself a cup of coffee from our coffee pot in the mornings, or if she can have a soda or apple or something and I always answer, "Claro que sí!" because I want her to feel like she doesn't even have to ask... (Sometimes I say, "No tienes que pedirme permiso!" but she always does anyway out of politeness.) 

Por nada - Everyone knows how to say, "de nada," but I don't like saying, "You're welcome" in any language.  I never have.  It feels like I'm being condescending or something... Like, I'm doing the other person some grand gesture and they should be super grateful...even if that "grand gesture" is giving the bagger 10 pesos for bagging my groceries.  I can't explain it, but I don't like saying, "You're welcome."  I only ever smile and say, "Por nada" here (and my English-speaking friends have probably never heard me say anything except, "No worries!")  "You're welcome" kinda feels like "You owe me," to me, maybe.  I dunno.  I'm weird. 

Por nada still technically means "you're welcome" but in a more casual way.  So, if your housekeeper worked an 8 hour day and then thanked YOU for loaning her 10 pesos for bus fare and you would've said, "Don't worry about it!" in English, "por nada" is good for that.  

Mande? - (Pronounced mawn-day) I've mentioned this in a previous post, but I'm repeating it again because it's that important!  Don't bother trying to look it up on Google Translate, because it doesn't exist.  You're just gonna have to trust me on this one.  "Mande?" is the polite way of saying, "Sorry, I didn't hear you. Can you repeat that?"  (If you didn't know this word before, you're going to start hearing locals say it all the time now.)  

• What NOT to say:  When you don't hear someone or need them to repeat what they said, don't say, "Qué?" even though it technically means, "What?" it's considered aggressive or impolite, like... "What did you say to me?!"    

I'm sure they're are a bunch of other "polite" things I'm forgetting, but it's late and my brain is tired.  And the point I guess I'm trying to get across is that it doesn't take a lot of work to be respectful to other humans and that we need to appreciate and respect other cultures and customs instead of expecting them to wield to our own...and you don't have to speak Spanish well to do it.  The locals will just be glad you're making an effort! 

I'll update this post as I think of more ways to acknowledge the kind, hard-working people that surround us everyday.  Tengan una buena noche, mis amigos!