The Downside

As usual, I try to "keep it real" on this little blabber blog... I'm the first to admit that I thought my new Mexican life would be all sunshine and rainbows.  (Well, that's probably not a good analogy....) I thought it would be filled with exotic, non-stop adventures and life-bettering experiences.  I thought I would finally get around to becoming the person I thought for sure I would be "if I had more time."  I'm not stupid, I knew it was going to be challenging and I was super nervous about making such a drastic life change...but I also naively thought that there would be more easy than hard.  I'm not saying I don't like living in Mexico, I do.  But for everything I like about it, there's also something I don't like about it. 

I'll write a post entitled "The Upside" eventually about the affordable healthcare, about never having to set an alarm clock, about how dirt cheap food is... but I'm sure it's much more interesting (a.k.a entertaining) for you to read the not-so-hot facts about living in a semi-tropical climate.  Not counting the obvious things like the soul-sucking summer humidity and 4-5 months of being riddled with mosquito bites.... Here's my list of things I don't like about living in Mexico:

• All the stray dogs.  I pretty much wanna wrangle up all the homeless pups and turn our house into a dog sanctuary and become a crazy dog mom.  (Because have you met me?)
• Speaking of stray pets... Roadkill here is almost always in the form of a dog or cat.  Just yesterday driving home from Nuevo, I saw an absolutely destroyed cat in the road and then a few miles later the same had happened to a dog.  Had Ty been driving I woulda shrieked and covered my eyes. And no one ever cleans them up.  They just stay there until they are a complete, tire-tracked pancake.  Ugh.
• Also on the subject of roadkill... I don't like how easy it is to accidentally kill a living creature.  I have to carefully and slowly drive down our street so as not to run over any small lizards.  (And by "small" I mean like, 10+ inches long.) I'm constantly stopping the car and willing them to safely run off into the bushes instead of under my car.  I even stopped for a crab once and urged him across the road with a stick.  Ty thinks I'm nuts and rolls his eyes at me swerving down our street...but sorry, not sorry.  
• "Birds in the kitchen" was on my mental draft of this post and just now I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and there were FOUR BIRDS FLYING AROUND.  Four!  I, of course, remained totally calm and didn't freak out at all.  Because I'm an adult.  (Right?)  This is a downside to living in Mexico, because you wanna keep your doors open for airflow, but that also means you're going to get a few unwanted winged visitors.  We usually get about a bird a week in the kitchen (they like to steal dog food, of all things) and just yesterday one came into our bedroom and I had to stop Luna from turning him into lunch.   Oh, and then there are the 3 bats we've had flying around our room, of course.  Good times.  

• Speaking of bats... I don't mind them being around because they eat bugs, but I'm sick of bat poop.  I know which eaves they like to sleep under because there are the same piles of bat droppings to sweep up every morning.
• And I hate all the Gecko poop!  I'm not exaggerating when I say it's EVERYWHERE!  Gecko poop in Mexico is the equivalent to like...dust...back home.  Because no matter how often you clean it, it will ALWAYS come back.  
• Iguana poop.  (Man, there's a lot of fecal matter in this post.  My bad.) Especially when I step in a big, steaming fresh pile of it.  Yeah, that happened.  An iguana broke a branch and fell out of the Huanacaxtle tree and, understandably, it scared the salsa right outta him.  And then I stepped in it while filming him.  Barefoot. (Awesome!)

• I hate all the horses tied to trees!  Why is this a thing even???  Why?  Just why?  We've seen dozens and dozens of horses tied up to trees by a very short rope, so they can't wander, graze or even really move.  I'd understand if someone was just "parking" their horse for a bit...but that's not the case since we've seen horses in the same spots for days.  I assume this is because the owner doesn't have a pen for the horse, but seeing this always depresses the hell outta me.  

• Scorpions.  Just a couple days ago I saw one on the floor like six inches from Bloo's sleeping head.  I have no idea where it came from.  It's like it just appeared in the middle of the floor because it would have had to walk past mine or Ty's bare feet to get where it was.  Um, nope.  After Ty smashed it with a dustpan, he was gonna throw it into the bushes and I said, "Don't do that!  I don't want the dogs to accidentally eat a dead scorpion!!"  And then I thought, "There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say."

Wow, I'm just now noticing that this ENTIRE post has been critter-related so far.  I guess I'm not getting "used to" them as well as I thought I was...

Some non animal-related things I don't like about living here:

• The dairy products just kinda suck.  The cottage cheese is watery and funky-tasting, the majority of even "healthy" yogurts are riddled with sugar, milk goes bad in like two days, the cheese is weird (I miss pepperjack and Tillamook), and the ice cream is heavy on the "icy" and light on the "creamy."  Blech.  
• A lot of food products are hard to find or they're expensive because they're imported.  The big grocery stores have what we refer to as "the gringo aisle" full of organic coffee, gluten-free pasta, Asian condiments and other items that'll cost you an arm and a leg.  Dill pickles have been a staple in my fridge my whole life and I miss them dearly!  
• Thanks to the climate, everything rusts, corrodes, rots, gets faded by the sun, gets eaten by termites (okay, that's kinda critter-related) or goes moldy.  You learn to shop for things like kitchenware and home goods with the least amount of metal on them. If you aren't able to buy something in plastic or wood (like a cheese grater), it's going in the garbage in a year.  I promise.  
• Topes.  (Pronounced toe-pays.)  Topes are big ass speed bumps and the majority of the time they aren't painted, so you only notice them as you're hurdling the car over them going 30 miles per hour.  
• I hate the litter.  I see a lot of locals taking great care of their section of sidewalk... Proudly sweeping and washing and watering in front of their house or tienda every morning, but we also see a lot of garbage everywhere we go.  There's that "one house" on our street whose curbside garbage can is always overflowing...and then dogs and birds get into it and spread it all over and they just leave the whole mess there at all times.  (Despite the fact that the garbage gets picked up 3 times per week!)
• The internet is TERRIBLE.  When we're at the Hotel and there are umpteen guests using the WiFi at the same time, I might as well take a nap because I'm not getting ANY work done.  I have one of those "speed test" apps on my phone that tests Mb-whatevers and I've never seen it go over 5.  I'm no computer genius, but I know that ain't good!  
• This is probably what I dislike the most about living here... I hate feeling ugly all the time.  Even in the winter, I can't really control my hair for more than a few hours before it morphs into a sweaty fuzzball on top of my head.  I would guess that 94% of the days we've spent here, my hair has been in a sloppy bun or ponytail.  Makeup is pointless and I only put it on if I'm sitting directly in front of the A/C vents in the car in the middle of winter.  I'm also currently in the worst shape of my LIFE because exercising in this heat is just about the LAST thing I feel like doing.  So, I'm a chubby, sweaty, frizzy and make-up less person in Mexico.  No me gusta.  
• The furniture is uncomfortable.  Handmade, wooden, Mexican furniture may be pretty to look at, but just hope you don't have to sit on it.  Furniture-makers must think there's a serious posture problem in this country because sitting on one of these bad boys will make you sit up like a sinner in church.  And don't get me started on the granite counter tops they call "mattresses" here.  Hard pass.  (Haha, get it?) 

• This one is going to sound crazy, but I don't really like having a housekeeper as much as I thought I would.  Last summer, our place was being cleaned 3 times per week and it felt more intrusive than helpful... Yes, it's nice to have a perfectly clean house, but I also felt like I couldn't be fully relaxed in my own "home."  Not only does it feel like there's always someone around, but I also constantly felt like I had to pick up after myself immediately... because if I left my sandy shoes in the living room, or Spanish homework strewn about the counter, or dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, that would mean the maid would be picking up after me like a child.  And sometimes you just wanna leave a mess for "later!"  
• I hate how hard it is to find things here and how you usually have to hire someone to have something made... I had no idea how spoiled we were consumer-wise in the States.  Need affordable curtains?  Just run down to Fred Meyer where you'll find 100 different styles in all shapes and sizes!  Here?  I looked at curtains at WalMart and they had 5 panels of curtains.  Not five styles...five panels total for sale.  And none of them matched.  This will be one of those situations where I have to buy the fabric from a fabric store, ask for recommendations for a seamstress, try to contact said seamstress, explain to her what I want (in bad Spanish) and pay her to make them for me.  

Alright, I think I've met my quota for complaining for today.

Well, Ty just suggested we take the pups to the hot springs for the afternoon, so I'm outta here!  Hasta luego!  

Vacation in Reverse

Hola, mis amigos!!!  We're back from our 3-week "vacation" to the States!  However....we're currently sitting (and melting) in a sports bar in Bucerias borrowing their WiFi, because our phone line and internet got knocked out by a big thunderstorm while we were gone and despite daily trips to TelMex this past week, there doesn't seem to be any progress or sense of urgency on their part.  Definitely one of the down sides to living in Mexico, is that everything is done in "Mexican time."  I know...first world problems. 

Our trip back home to visit friends and family was lots of fun, but it was super busy... nearly everyday was planned out...there were even some days where every HOUR was planned out.  For example, in one day, we drove back to Seattle from Canada, stopped in Bellingham for lunch with Ty's aunt and uncle on the way, then drove 2 hours south of Seattle to visit friends/old co-workers for dinner, before catching an 11pm ferry to Anderson Island to spend a few nights out there with Ty's parents.  Almost every day felt like that.  Fun, but stretched thin...and kinda exhausting.  And despite it being so miserably HOT here right now, it does feel good to be "home." 

Let's see.... I could tell you all about how we both managed to gain 10 pounds eating and drinking our way through Portland and Seattle and Vancouver (hashtag worth it.)  I legit had a list of foods I "needed" to eat, just the same way I had a list of people I "needed" to see, and dogs I "needed" to smooch.  (Because, you know, priorities.)  I could tell you how many Reuben sandwiches I ate (several) or how many bowls of pho I happily slurped up (not enough) or how many different types of beer we drank.  (We're so SICK of Corona and Pacifico.  I'm sure we have your sympathy, right?)  But, none of that is very interesting reading material... 

I could tell you all about seeing Bruno Mars in concert on my birthday up in Vancouver, and how Ty bought us awesome seats, and how we stayed in a teeny tiny (but adorable) AirBnB and how we got to meet up with some super fun Jardin guests we met a few months ago that live there... but again, that probably doesn't interest you.  

I could tell you how FANTASTIC it was to be able to straighten my hair and just have it STAY LIKE THAT the rest of the day.  I forgot how manageable my curly, frizzy, crazy ass hair used to be in un-tropical climates.  Like, it made me so happy to feel semi "put-together" for the first time in 14 months, that this is seriously enough of a reason for me to want to move back home.  Like, if Ty and I ever draw up a pros and cons list about where to live, "hair isn't pyscho" is going in the win column for Portland/Seattle.  Also in the win column, "not sweating all day and night and not being eaten by mosquitoes."  But for sure you don't wanna hear about my hair problems (more than you already have)... 

I could tell you that I took more baths than showers while we were there, because I have yet to see a bathtub in Mexico and it's a lazy-girl luxury I miss... (I'm a big fan of doing any "to-do" while lying down.)  On a similar note... I forgot what actual water pressure feels like!  I almost lost my footing when I took a shower at my parent's house after being blasted by the shower head... 

I could tell you that one of the biggest "shocks" being back home was the PRICE of everything.  How did we ever afford 3 dollars for a single avocado??  Or 18 bucks for two measly beers?  Or 35 bucks for a 10-minute taxi ride?  Even though we were crashing in Ty's high school bedroom at his parent's house, our trip back home set us back thousands of dollars in mostly bars and restaurants and socializing with friends... This fact definitely goes in the pro-Mexico column.  We definitely couldn't be retired bums anymore if we moved back home. 

I could tell you how nice it was to be able to spend several days on Anderson Island with friends, cousins, Ty's parents and then just the two of us... (Three of us if you count Cousin Cleaver!!)  

I could tell you how miserable it was being away from my perfect angel of a pup for three weeks and not knowing how he was doing (our housekeeper was house sitting and she doesn't have a cell phone) and how I scrolled through the hundreds of photos on my phone of him daily and wondered what he was doing and if he missed me back.  That's normal, right?  I thought so.  

I could tell you about all that stuff... I could... but what I found most interesting about our jaunt up north, was the actual traveling aspect.  It's kinda a weird thing flying to the States as a "tourist."  From the moment I arrived at the Puerto Vallarta Airport, I felt like everything was happening in reverse.  All the white people around me were freshly sunburned, wearing fedoras, lugging souvenirs home....their vacations were all ending, and mine was just starting.  

When I approached the TSA agent checking boarding passes and passports at security, I handed her my stuff and out of habit I said, "Hola, buenas tardes."  (This is just what you do in Mexico...it's customary to greet everyone everywhere you go.)  As soon as I spoke in my semi-decent Spanish accent, she got a big smile on her face and said (in Espanol), "You speak Spanish!!"  Then I gave her my go-to response when an elated Mexican says this to me, "Estoy aprendiendo!" ...which means, "I'm learning."  (I never say the over-used "un poquito" accompanied with a giggle response that most gringos default to... Sorry, but it's a pet peeve of mine.  Learn how to say something more original already.)

Later, sitting at my gate waiting to board, I must have had something in my eye because I was rubbing it and the woman sitting next to me said, "Are you crying because vacation is over and you have to leave Mexico?" trying to be funny.  Then I proceeded to break out in a dorky smirk and said, "Actually.  I live here.  I'm going north to see family."  To which she responded by dropping her jaw and asking a bunch of questions about what she assumed was an exotic life, just as I expected/hoped she would.  This is one of those things that's fun about living in Mexico... You get to SAY you live in Mexico!  All 8 of my devoted blog readers get to read about the highs and lows and the dirty truth about how hard it is moving to a new country, but a random woman I'm never gonna see again?  She only gets the highlights because it makes me feel super special and envied for like 10 minutes.  I know.  I'm pathetic.  But I'm okay with it.  

I arrived in Santa Ana, California to go through customs when my next I'm-a-pretend-Mexican moment happened.  Going through immigration there were 3 lines to choose from:  US Citizens, Visitors and Residents.  It took me a couple beats to figure out where I belong.  I'm still a US Citizen...but technically I'm a "visitor", right?  I decided on US Citizen and when I approached the passport-checker dude, he routinely said, "How was your vacation?" like they always do.  And I sorta stalled while deciding on how to answer... I could have just said, "It was good," but I didn't want to lie so I told him my vacation was just starting and that I live in Mexico.  This was NOTHING like talking to the easily-impressed tourist in the airport.  Instead, I got raised eyebrows and lots of follow-up questions.  

The next time we got raised eyebrows and lots of follow-up questions was trying to cross the US/Canadian border back into Washington... The border lines were slow and when we finally got up to the window and handed the intense-looking border agent our passports, the first question out of his mouth was, "Where's home?"  Again, we both paused a bit before answering knowing "Mexico" was gonna be a red flag.  Technically, we consider the Pacific Northwest our "home" and Mexico is where we live...but I don't think the bulletproof vest-wearing dude with the big, scary, red beard and polarized sunglasses cared about technicalities.  We answered, "We live in Mexico right now," and then prepared for the onslaught... 

Agent:  "What were you doing in Canada?"
Ty:  "We went to see a concert." 
Agent:  "You came all the way from Mexico for a concert?  That seems odd." 
Ty:  "We are visiting family in Seattle and just drove up for a few days." 
Agent:  "What concert was it?"
Ty: "Bruno Mars, downtown."
Agent: *obviously doesn't know who Bruno Mars is*  "What do you do in Mexico?"
Ty: *playfully*  "Not much!"
Agent: *not amused*
Me:  *rolls eyes at Ty* "We run a small hotel there." 
Agent:  "How do you two know each other?"
*We both scoff* "We're married."
Agent:  "When do you go back to Mexico?"
Ty:  "August 4th."
Agent:  "Who's car is this?"
Ty:  "My parent's car." 
Agent:  "If you're driving their car, what are they driving?"
Ty: *starting to get annoyed*  "They have two other cars."

Then he started repeating his questions with different wording in an obvious attempt to try and catch us in a lie, which is when Ty really started getting annoyed and his answers turned a little smart-assy and then the agent asked, "Why are you so nervous?"  (To be honest, the guy was kinda a prick right from the get-go and I'm sure he asks everyone this question just to get a rise out of them.)  Ty throws his head back and laughs like, "What do you want from us, dude?"  And that's when the agent slapped a yellow sticker on our windshield and sent us to the "secondary inspection" area.  Oh, great.  

We park in the inspection area and take our yellow ticket inside where we quickly realize we're the ONLY white people in the building.  Hmmm.  We wait in line and finally approach the counter where a female border agent, who was most definitely allergic to facial expressions, asked us a lot of the same questions with only slightly less attitude as the first dude.  At this point we're just annoyed because we have lunch plans in Bellingham and we were approaching 90 minutes stuck at the border... We rolled our eyes a bunch like, "We don't care if you search our car, go for it."  She first searches my purse then asks for our keys and tells us to go sit with the rest of the unfortunates waiting to get their cars returned to them.

As soon as we sit down... Ty's eyes get wide and he asks, "Oh, crap.  Is the Fireball in the car??"  Ty had purchased a small pint of Fireball at the liquor store to sip on at our AirBnB before we left for the concert.  When we were packing up our luggage the next morning, we just threw the remainder of the bottle in our backpack, not even thinking about the fact that it was technically an "open container."  Then MY eyes got wide and I proceed to start panicking and imagining the worst case scenario possible.  (In case you don't know, I'm a zero-to-cancer kind of person.... meaning I make mountains out of molehills.  Ty is 5 minutes late coming home from the grocery store?  He must have died in a horrific car accident.  I wake up in the middle of the night with hip pain?  Bone cancer.  I find a new mole?  Skin cancer.  Bloo seems a little off today?  Puppy cancer.  You get the point.) 

So, I proceed to panic about being arrested, about Ty's parent's car being impounded, about being stuck at the border and having to call Ty's parents to save us.  "Your dad is going to be so pissed."  I start to wonder if we'll still be in prison before our flight back to Vallarta the following Friday.  That's normal, right?  

We decide to just tell her the truth that we were just cleaning out our hotel room and totally didn't think about it being an open container.  We were just gonna come clean and beg forgiveness!!  I mean... We're not real criminals, right?!  Please have mercy!

The expressionless agent loudly says, "Tyler!" and we both approach the counter with our rehearsed response on the tips of our tongues when she hands us back our passports and car keys and says we're free to go.  PHEEEW.  She might have found the bottle and not cared (as in it was too minor) but there's a good chance she never saw it at all...it was buried underneath toiletries and phone chargers and my makeup bag and we don't know how well she checked the car because you're not allowed to watch them inspect it.  We booked it away from the border and I'm pretty sure Ty was shaking all the way to Bellingham.  

The trip back to Vallarta was much more enjoyable travel-wise than the rest of the trip.  As residents, we get to skip the tourist-filled lines at immigration and go through the line reserved for Mexican Citizens and residents.  We were off the plane, got our bags, went through immigration and customs and were haggling with a taxi driver in less than 30 minutes from the time our plane landed.  Like old pros!  Side note:  Why, oh, why are people vacationing to the Banderas Bay in AUGUST??  Like, people were leaving their home states in probably the nicest month of the year, and coming HERE in like the WORST month of the year.  Do your research, people!  

Okay, this was a super long post and the bartender is probably ready to kick us out... Time to go back home and be internet-less and bored like an old Amish couple.  

Peace out, peeps!  

Mexican-ish

Hola from sunny Mexico!!  Man, I am slacking on my "updates"... Here's a beautifully annoying photo I took this morning to kick off this post... But don't be jealous.  I'm currently sitting two feet in front of a fan and in a pool of my own sweat as I type this.  Sexy.   

People both here and back home, regularly ask us how we're managing our new lives, and we usually answer, "It depends on the day."  Some days are very discouraging because I usually feel like an inept toddler trying to navigate (and embrace) the learning curve of moving to a foreign country - but then there are moments where I feel kinda Mexican-ish and it renews my ever-fleeting confidence that I can, in fact, survive and maybe even flourish here eventually.   

Some examples of my newfound Mexican-ish-ness:

• I don't think driving here is scary anymore or even very shocking - I don't necessarily like how casual drivers can be maneuvering around and how motorcycles just weave in and out of cars all nonchalant-like (usually with a toddler or chihuahua in tow, no less) but driving here no longer makes me anxious.  Plus, stuff like this no longer surprises me.  

• Critters and bugs are less....stressful, let's say.  I still don't like all the bugs, but it just starts becoming less traumatic and more of a normality.  A crab got stuck in the pool again?  Just scoop him out like last week.  You have to dodge half a dozen iguanas on the drive down your street so they don't become roadkill?  It's just part of your usual commute.  A gecko scurries up the wall and startles the salsa out of you?  You think, "At least it wasn't a big ass spider" and then go about your business.  You spot a scorpion in your bathroom when you turn on the light at 2:00am?  ...You freak out and wake up your sleeping husband to rescue you and vow to never walk around barefoot in the dark ever again!!!!  (Okay, so maybe I have some more Mexican-ing to do on this one, but I'm getting better.)

• I can understand when people say numbers to me!  I don't know why, but people trying to learn a foreign language will often tell you that numbers are the hardest to understand when spoken by a native speaker.  But it's getting easier for me to understand when a cashier or taxi driver rattles off an amount.  The first time I paid in exact change (instead of just handing them a bill and hoping it was enough) I felt like I had just won first place in a expat contest and I came home and bragged to Ty about it.  Whadda nerd.
• I love me a Mexican party!!!  Some of the funnest (I know it's not a word) parties we've been invited to here so far, we were the lone gringos and nobody spoke a word of English.  Village celebration with dancing horses?  Sign us up.  A birthday party with Banda music?  Yes, please.  Quinceañera with a parade?  We'll be right over.  We always have the best time with the friendliest people and we always come away with endearing stories of how we're not so different from the locals we meet.  Like the birthday party we went to a couple months ago...one of the gals hosting it let me use the bathroom in her house, and right away I noticed that everything was covered in English labels!  In (bad) Spanish I told her I have everything labeled in Spanish at my house and we both got a good kick out of it.  Adorbs, right?

• Instead of searching Pinterest for how-tos around the house, I just ask our wise, domestic goddess of a housekeeper because she knows how to fix any problem.  Fun fact:  salt, lime juice and sun work as a natural bleach and can remove set-in stains from a bath towel that you previously thought you'd have to just throw away because a 3-year old spilled grape juice or some crap all over it.  Good to know!
• I love Latino music!  I never cared much for it before, but now I may or may not have an entire Latino playlist on my phone.  (And I'm pretty sure Ty is getting sick of listening to it.)
• Just like locals can tell we live here full-time based on our appearance, we can totally tell the difference between a tourist and an expat just based on looks alone...especially in places like grocery stores.  Tourists like to wear fashionable hats and their cutest tropical "vacation outfits" while out and about (ahhh, I remember those days fondly), where as us sweaty gringos just throw on whatever is going to keep us cool and comfortable while we run our errands.  (It's especially nice being recognized as someone who lives here, because we don't get harassed by beach vendors or by time share people!)
• My version of "fast food" is no longer going through a Taco Bell drive-thru on the way home from work...now it's swinging by the "chicken lady" on the corner to pick up a whole, roasted chicken and sides for 100 pesos.  
• We'd much rather go to non-touristy beaches and watch pick-up soccer games while we comfortably cheer from our beach chairs than go to any "popular" (aka over-crowded) beach towns and fight the out-of-towners for a post-it note-sized patch of sand.  Because, duh. 
• The soccer boys were also enjoying my beach playlist of all Latino music...one even stopped in the middle of the "field" to bust a couple dance moves before scoring a goal.  Cute. 

• Unlike tourists, we hide from the sun!   Mexicans don't stand in the sun unless they absolutely have to... It's not uncommon to see a thin shadow of a telephone pole and a line of Mexicans standing in it waiting for the bus.  In fact, this specific trip to the beach was specifically to "get a little tan" since we know everyone is gonna give us crap about being so white when we go home this week!  Ha. 

Well, that's about all the ways I can think of that I'm becoming Mexican-ish.  Obviously, I'm still very much a white fish-outta water, but at least I'm starting to sprout my little piernas de tierra.

In other news... We head up to the States this week, and I think it's going to feel like reverse culture shock.  It'll be interesting for sure.  I'm positive I'm going to accidentally greet people with "Hola, buenas tardes" on a regular basis and I'll probably try to pay in pesos more than once.  But holy smokes, it's going to be sooooooo nice to be able to speak English full-time for three whole weeks!  Hopefully I don't forget all my Spanish... 

Well, I'm off...  Hasta pronto!  

One year later!

Let's get down to the important stuff first.  And by "important" I mean a pic of an iguana who apparently felt the need to cool off in our pool last weekend.  Never a dull moment... 

Today is our official one-year Mexi-versary!!  One year ago today, we had just arrived in little La Cruz after driving 2,800 miles from Seattle in our dorky mini van with our dorky pup.  Amazing.  A whole year!  And we didn't give up and run home despite not having a clue what we were/are doing with our lives!  Go us!  

Annnnd, drum roll, please... We also got our brand, spanking new Temporary Resident Visas renewed today and they're good for three more years!  Whoop!  Well...MY new card was ready to be picked up today, but the immigration office made an error on Ty's because they forgot to include his work permissions on his card, so he'll have to go back next week and blah, blah, blah.  

I was sooooo not looking forward to going back to immigration this month, because the first time around was a huge pain in the booty and like 14 trips to their office in Nuevo.  We had no idea what we were doing, we spoke very little Spanish, we didn't know where anything was (where to get photos taken, copies made, etc.) so there was a LOT of trial and error and messing up forms and being Gringo losers in general.  But THIS year it was a breeeeeeeze!  From start to finish the whole renewal process took like 90 minutes and that's including going to the ATM, to the bank to pay our fees and having copies made and then going back to immigration.  You're probably thinking, "Um, do you wanna a gold star, little girl?"  But, I'm telling you...when you move to a new country and feel like a bubbling, incompetent idiot and you're failing at the most basic adulting skills for several months...it's an amazing feeling when you've finally learned enough about your new country to be slightly less embarrassing!  Yippee!

Side note:  Not that I make it a habit to make this a very helpful expat blog (obviously), but in case you were wondering how the visa process works...You start the process at the Mexican Consulate nearest to you before you move (we/Ty did it in Seattle) and you have to finish the process within 30 days of arriving in the Mexican state you're going to be living in (Nayarit, in our case) and it's good for one year.  When you go to renew it after a year you have the option to renew it for 1, 2, or 3 years...and then after that expires, you can apply for Permanent Residency or Mexican Citizenship (but don't quote me on any of that, Ty, of course, handles all this boring stuff for yours truly, because I can't even.)

Also, before I go ahead and get too high on my "slightly less embarrassing" horse though...I should tell you about our most fish-out-of-water moment that happened this past month, too.  (You're welcome.)  We spend most evenings hanging out in our living room watching TV or on the computer or whatever and we stupidly made the mistake of leaving one of our doors open past dark and a bat flew in our room and was flying all over the place like a plane that lost its rudder (or whatever planes have.)  Oh, have I mentioned we have bats??  There's about a dozen or so that fly around the property at night and eat hundreds my arch enemies (mosquitoes) so, I'm cool with them being around (OUTSIDE, that is.)  

Mind you, this happened a couple weeks before, too, and I remained totally calm about it (and definitely didn't make some crazy Facebook post about hiding under the bed) ...but we didn't learn to close our doors after dark from that little episode, apparently.  

So, the bat flies into our room and we're just staying low and I'm "mildly" freaking out at this point and we're just hoping he flies back out the door.  Well, then I decided it would be a good idea to open ALL of the doors to increase its chances of going outside (which I have to do while crawling around on my hands and knees because I almost got a bat to the face several times.)  And as soon as I get all of the doors open, a second bat swooped in and joined his friend in taking turns dive bombing our heads. Yay!  Picture two helpless dorks crawling around the floor laughing hysterically and repeating "What do we do?!" 

But, wait, there's more!  We actually had guests at the time and they were staying in the unit above us and we didn't want to make noise or let them know we had winged rodents trying to give me nightmares, so we had to handle the whole debacle in whisper-yells and quiet-panicking in between all of the laughing and ducking.  Ahhhh...good times.  

The two bats were swooping around our room and I see one fly into our bathroom and the other one finally flies out the open doors.  I rush to close them so no more get in and Ty goes to work trying to convince the bathroom bat to fly out the back door...and that's when I hear a knock.  It's our guests... They're wondering if we have any good books they can borrow. 

Me:  *instantly panics* "Sure!  C'mon in!  There's a whole bookshelf here, help yourself."
Me to self:  "Please oh please oh please little bat don't come flying out of the bathroom."
Guests:  *thoroughly looking through every single book all super interested like*
Me:  *sweating profusely*
Ty: *still in the bathroom quietly shooing the bat out*

The guests finally leave and Ty gets the bat out without them getting dive-bombed or pooped on -- success!!  

From start to finish the whole bat attack and eviction process was probably like 8 minutes, but it felt like 47.  Needless to say, we're balancing out our living abroad "wins" with plenty of epic fails.  Note to self:  Close the damn door at sunset.  

What else is new with us?  Not much.  We've become pretty low-key and boring the last month or so.  Summers are typically quieter here (listen to me like I actually know what I'm talking about having spent ONE summer here. Nerd.) and I'm actually looking forward to it despite it kinda feeling like a drag last summer.  Restaurants close down, a lot of people go back to the States or Canada until next fall, Jardin is gonna be pretty empty until November (or that's what we keep thinking...but we keep getting last-minute reservations!  Whoop!)  But we're trying to use this "down time" to make more of an effort to not be such lazy degenerates all the time.  It's a lot easier to workout and eat healthy and practice Spanish and spend less money and be productive humans when there's not a party or a band playing or happy hour or beach invite happening every other day.  (I'm sure we have your sympathy, right?  That poor girl is suffering from having TOO much fun!  The horror!!)  

Last weekend we played tourists for the first time in forever, and it was really refreshing to get out of the house to do something other than to go to Costco for toilet paper and laundry detergent.  (I told you we've been boring lately!)  Our car was in the shop for a few days and our kitchen floor was being refinished and it was off-limits for half a day (and you don't wanna see me when I'm hangry!!) so we decided to walk the 45-ish minutes along the beach from Jardin to Bucerias Centro with no real plans.  We walked around town a bunch, ran into a Mexican buddy and hung out with him for a while on the beach, we found this super tasty Thai restaurant for dinner and caught the 10-peso bus home before dark.  It was a fun day.  It reminded me why we fell in love with this area 5 years ago.  Note to self: must do more tourist-ing! 

What else... Oh!  I have officially registered for Spanish school starting in August.  Eeeeeek!  I'm soooo nervous but also so nerdly excited.  I'm going to Habla Hispana in San Miguel de Allende and I mentioned it in one of my last posts.  It's a 4-week immersion course with 80 hours of "intensive Spanish classes" with a small number of students and 24 hours of "cultural activities" like Mexican cooking classes and guided walking tours (also done in Spanish, of course.)  

I'll be in class from 9:00am-1:00pm, Monday through Friday with the activities in the afternoon...evenings and weekends I'll have to myself.  And I'll be staying in a private dorm room at the school for the month... I had the option to bunk with a roommate or two or even stay with a local Mexican family as part of their "homeshare" program, but I feel like I'm already branching waaaaaay out of my comfort zone, so it's probably better to be able to have some time to myself so I can properly freak out when needed.  (Trust me, it'll be needed.)   

We still gotta figure out the logistics of getting to and from San Miguel, but I'm scheduled to arrive August 27th.  That's only 3 months away??  Double eeeek!  For those of you who know just how shell-shocked and anxious and panicky I was last year while trying to adapt to life in a foreign country (and how anti-social I have always been in general) the fact that I'm traveling on my own to a place I've never been without my 6'-3" Swedish security blanket to hold my hand and do all of the adulting for me... It's insane!!  

Welp, it's passed my bedtime.... Buenas noches, mis amigos!  

Spanglish Part 2

I wanna be fluent in Spanish sooooo badly.  You have no idea.  (Okay, if you're also an expat or a snowbird and buying groceries or filling up your gas tank turns into a fumbly Spanglish mess, like, every single time...then maybe you do.)

I know I'm getting better at speaking it, and I'm actually able to string together entire sentences now without having to look up certain words (I always go back and look up what I said later to make sure I didn't say something totally embarrassingly wrong...and to also brag to Ty about how much more awesome I am than he is, duh.)  But the big thing I'm feeling excited about:  I'm getting a little better at understanding when our housekeeper or another native speaker is speaking to me.  Which is the most common complaint I hear from fellow gringos... "People just speak so fast!  I don't know what they're saying!"  

It's true.  Even if you can say a full sentence to someone or ask them a question...you still have to know what the hell they're saying back to you.  And more often than not, you won't follow...especially if you consider different accents, mumbling and slang words.  (Think about how we say "gonna" for "going to"...for sure Mexicans have similar abbreviations that aren't technically correct.)  And actually, if you say something in Spanish to someone pretty well, they'll assume you can also understand them pretty well and they'll rattle off their response.  So, I can study all I want...but if I can't learn to comprehend what is being said to me, my "skills" aren't gonna get me very far.  I naively thought I would be further along one year in because I have a crazy good memory and that that would be enough ("I'll just memorize every word!")  But, I forgot about that whole "comprehension" aspect of learning a new language.  Whoops.  

I'm not in the business of being a "helpful expat blogger" all too often because it's more fun (for me) being a pointless one, but while we're on the subject of responding to someone you don't understand (a.k.a. Gringo in Headlight Syndrome) let's cover a couple things our Spanish teacher taught us over the winter that I wish I had known months earlier:  (Thanks, Sean!!) 

• "Mande?" (pronounced MAHN-DAY) comes from the verb mandar (to send) and it loosely means "send it to me again"...it's like the English equivalent of saying "Come again?"  We learned in our class that saying "Que?" (What?) to someone when you didn't hear them, can come off rude or defensive... It'd be like saying, "What did you say to me?"  "Mande?" is a more polite version of "I didn't hear you...can you repeat that?"  We had never heard this word before, but as soon as we were taught it, we heard it everywhere.  I now say this several times a day...if only to buy myself a little time to figure out what the crap someone is saying to me.  
• "Repite, por favor" (pronounced RAY-PEE-TAY) is similar to "mande" in that you need them to repeat what they said...but if the speed they're talking is the issue say, "repite más despacio, por favor" (DAY-SPAH-SEE-OH) which just means "Please repeat slower."
• "No entiendo" (AYN-TEE-AYN-DOH) means "I don't understand."  I typically only use this one when I don't have the slightest clue as to what someone is saying to me (and if I have to resort to this one, I'm pretty bummed about not being able to communicate at all because this is usually where the conversation ends and the other person seems frustrated that I don't understand them.)  A lot of non-Spanish speakers like to use "no comprendo" (I don't comprehend) but this seems a little more casual to me since "comprehend" isn't usually a word I use too often in English. 

Unfortunately, I have to use all of these phrases much more often than I would like to, but hey... I'm trying.  Once our schedules open back up next week, I'm going to get better about studying Spanish everyday.  Mostly because I need/want to learn more, but also, if I don't find some hobbies to fill my time during low season I'm going to drive Ty INSANE whining about being bored all the time.  I have a big, giant, nerdy, college workbook that I bought on Amazon before we left the states, and my goal is to complete 10 pages per week this summer.  I'm currently on page 56 and there are 505 pages...so, I should be done in a like a million years.  Swell.  

It's funny (a.k.a. embarrassing and cringe-worthy) to think back how BAAAAD we were at Spanish when we arrived in La Cruz nearly a year ago, but I'm glad we waited 5 months after moving here to start classes because I was able to pick up on how the locals spoke certain words first...noticing differences between regional dialect and whatever my Google Translate app was telling me.  

You know how like in the States some people call soda "pop" or even "soft drinks" because that's how it's said locally and they just grew up saying it that way?  (Look at this crazy graphic I found on this exact topic...someone had waaaaay too much time on their hands.)  Or like how Canadians and Europeans say "going on holiday" and Americans say "going on vacation" but they both mean the same thing?  Sometimes I'd look up how to say a word and it was different than what I had heard locals say.  For example, all of our Mexican friends say "carro" and not "coche" for car, even though both are correct, but I choose to say "carro" now too because it's more commonly used in our area. 

And I'll never forget when I tried to say "piscina" for swimming pool to the groundskeeper and he looked at me like I was Dingbat Barbie speaking Chinese.  He's lived in the Bay Area his whole life and he didn't even know that "albercas" were ever called anything but "albercas."  But of course, this nuance, just overwhelms me even more...because not only do I need to learn Spanish, but now I gotta know the local dialect?!  Balls.  

   

Overall, we're (I'm) slowly but steadily improving at communicating and I'm exciting about getting better and better over time.... We have to go into Immigration next week to start the process of renewing our temporary resident visas for another 3 years (don't cry, mom!!) and at least Ty will have improved his Spanish enough since the last time we were there a year ago when he said to the security guard, "I made a mistake-o."  I'm not even joking.  And yes, I still make fun of him for it.

Oh, yeah!!  I almost forgot the entire inspiration for this (pointless) post!  A couple weeks ago I ran into a woman I had gone to class with for six weeks last fall and we talked (whined) about the process of learning Spanish, and how we were both coming along, etc. and she told me about this little school called Habla Hispana she went to last year in the super cute colonial town of San Miguel de Allende in the state of Guanajauto...which is about 8 hours east from us.  The school offers 4-week courses where you're attending classes from 9:00-1:00pm Monday through Friday and in the afternoons there are optional activities (all done in Spanish, of course) like walking tours, Mexican cooking classes, etc.  You even have the option of renting a small "dorm room" on the school grounds during your course.  As a giant nerd (and someone who wishes they could be a professional student) this has me all kinds of excited.  The idea of spending 4+ hours a day in a classroom studying something that really interests me...is like...Christmas to normal people.  It's okay to be jealous of my dorky prowess.  

I'm considering going for the month of September or October...but the only downside is that someone will need to stay at Jardin (especially if we have renters) which means I would most likely be going alone.  Say what????  Since Ty and I are super duper best friends and attached at the hip...the idea of being away from him and our perfect pup for a whole month makes my head a bit woozy, so I would definitely have to put on my big girl pants and be a brave little engine that could-ish.  

Ty, however, is probably thrilled at the idea of me being gone for a while, because he likes to pretend I'm clingy and annoying.  Which is, of course, completely "FAKE NEWS."  Duh.  I was also thinking it would be fun for us to take a road trip there a few days before my classes start to explore the town and for him to drop me off at school (how adorable is that?)...but we'll see.  

Also, if you'd like to read all the ways I've embarrassed myself while misunderstanding someone speak Spanish to me...you'll enjoy this post.  

Welp, I've bored you enough for one day, so I'm off!  

Why did we bring that?

When we sold off our house, cars and 95% of our possessions in the Spring of 2016 it was difficult to decide what we should take to Mexico with us... It was pretty much a guessing game as far as knowing what we would need and what we could or couldn't buy here... It was also super difficult sorting through what we actually needed to keep, and what we wanted to keep...but that's a whole other issue.  

We stored a few things with Ty's parents (photos, my paintings, yearbooks, etc.) but everything else that didn't fit in the mini van, we sold, donated or gave away.  We didn't even have a car top carrier on our drive south because we didn't want to draw attention to ourselves as "tourists" driving through Mexico.

Here's a picture of the very BEST thing we brought to Mexico.... 

Stuff I wish we had kept:

• a cooler - we sold all of our camping gear, but why wouldn't we have kept a cooler when moving to a hot climate?  Dumb-dumbs.
• More of my tools - I kept a few small hand tools and my cordless drill, but there were many times while we were working on remodeling projects last summer that I wished I had kept more of them.  
• Our collection of pool floaties/innertubes - our house was on a river when we lived in Seattle and we were big fans of lazily floating down it for a couple hours and ending in our backyard.  We stupidly got rid of them even though pools are common here and we live at the beach.  Dumb.  And annoyingly/ironically, quality pool loungers were hard to find here.  (I'm sure we have your sympathy, right?)

Stuff we should have brought but didn't know we would need it (a.k.a. "stuff I'm going to buy when we go home in July"):

• Gringo taco seasoning - You know that pre-mixed, orange-colored taco seasoning you can buy at any grocery store in the states?  You can't buy it in Mexico.  Go figure.  
• American brand hairspray - Seriously, what is up with Mexican hairspray brands??  I feel like I'm just spraying aerosol air freshener at my head because it doesn't actually "hold" anything and it smells like flowers.  Dumb.  
• Bug repellent that actually works and isn't full of cancer chemicals (Thanks again, Aunt Pam!!) 
• A backup iPhone charger.  Or two or three.  I've gone through at least 4-5 chargers in the past year.  It's hard/impossible to find legit Apple products here, and the knockoff chargers either don't work at ALL, or they last a couple weeks before they fizzle out. 

Things we brought with us that we shouldn't have:

• Our Cornhole boards - Cornhole is a yard/beach game (usually played with a beer in hand)...it's pretty much just bean bag toss with more specific (and entertaining) scoring rules.  Even though it's brought us hours and hours of silly fun over the last few years and I thought we'd whip it out at every beach party or barbecue here...it's gotten used twice in 11 months.  But more importantly...I wish we would have left it at Ty's family cabin on Anderson Island in Washington, because now we can't play it THERE in the summers.  What was I thinking?!  
• 10 sets of golf clubs - okay, so it's "only" like 5 or 6 sets, but still!  Our van was like half golf clubs when we packed it up.  Ty had originally wanted/planned to start some sort of golf concierge business down here, so he bought up a bunch of used clubs before we left... Turns out the local courses don't want or need his services and they basically told him to go pound sand.  So now our closet is mostly golf clubs with a little bit of clothes mixed in.  It's come in handy when we've had friends or family come visit who've wanted to golf with Ty, but the other 360 days per year, they're just space suckers.
• Salad spinner - I've had the same (nice, stainless steel, Crate & Barrel) salad spinner for like the last 12 years and I've used it maybe 5 times ever...and for some reason we lugged it thousands of miles despite it's main purpose having been dust-collection over the years.  Why?  Because for sure we would have to wash our lettuce and veggies more than we do in the states!  Because, germs!  We haven't used it once.  Anyone want it? 
• Shoes - why did I bring so many pairs of shoes?  I just counted:  5 pairs of Nike running shoes, 1 pair of Vans, 10 pairs of sandals/flip flops, and 3 pairs of loafers/slip-ons.  Most of them I haven't even so much as looked at, let alone worn.  I literally wear the same flip flops every day until the soles are paper thin and the straps break.  And then I staple gun the straps and wear them a few more weeks.  And then I super glue the straps when they inevitably re-break.  And then I wait several more weeks before sadly admitting that they're garbage and I need to just throw them away.  
• DVDs - against my wishes, we brought a big box of our favorite movies even though we never watched them before we moved. (That's because it's 2017 and we watch Netflix like normal people, duh.)  But we brought them with us anyway and they sat in the box untouched until we dropped them off at the little video rental store in La Cruz when we moved into Jardin.  
• Winter-ish clothes - yes, it can get a bit "chilly" in the early mornings in December and January and when we visited Guadalajara last year I wished I had a jacket with me, but we brought one of those big, blue IKEA bags (you know the ones) stuffed full of warmer clothes, for some dumb reason.  I've worn a couple things (you can't separate a Pacific Northwest girl from her favorite hoodie forever!) but Ty hasn't so much as even looked at winter crap he packed.
• Ty's underwear - he's worn underwear exactly twice in 11 months...once to a Catholic confirmation and once to a wake.  Apparently he thinks wearing boxer briefs is a sign of respect.  The rest of us losers he doesn't care about just get to see his ever-present butt crack hanging out.  (Because he also refuses to wear belts.)  
• I just asked Ty if he could think of anything we should have left in the states and he said, "Yeah, you!"  Whadda jerk.  

Welp, we have new guests arriving any minute, so I'm off! 

We're still alive...

I have nothing to write about anymore.  We haven't been going on awkward, hilarious, embarrassing Mexican adventures since we started working/living at Jardin, so I don't have any new material to entertain you with.  So...I'll just bore you all with a generic update of our lives.  Lucky you. 

I cannot believe it's almost May.  May 15th marks ONE WHOLE YEAR since driving away from Seattle in our dorky mini van with our dorky pup and trekking the 2,800 miles to La Cruz.  I can't friggen believe it's been that long already.  It's gone by so fast because time and seasons and months just all kinda blend in together and become a big, hot, sunny blur here... 

I usually mask my feelings with sarcasm and smart-assery (who, me??) but the first several months in Mexico were actually really hard on me... Moving is stressful enough, but throw in a new language, new culture, new currency, new climate, new everything....and it can create one little, anxiety-filled, homesick turtle.  (That was me last summer.)  But I can honestly say that I don't regret moving here...and I'm pretty happy now, in general.  I'm getting better at speaking and understanding Spanish (notice I didn't say "we"), I'm not afraid of driving like a Mexican anymore, I haven't had to (ask Ty to) evict any giant spiders lately, we've made a lot of friends and met tons of cool people, we've finally adapted to the heat enough that we can exercise regularly and not DIE, Bloo and Luna are the happiest nerds you ever did see...and our new gig as property managers at Jardin del Mar couldn't be going smoother.  

Things have been going really well at Jardin since we took over the business/property in December.  For reopening the hotel as late as we did in high season, we're happy with the amount of bookings we've been able to generate so far.  April has been our busiest month to date, with 26 people checking in or out!  And we already have several bookings for next winter/spring, so we're feeling optimistic about this gig being something we can enjoy doing for a while.  And, duh, we get to live HERE.  So, life definitely does not suck south of the border... 

It's funny...whenever we're doing like the least worky-things, we get the best reservations.  The last time we were shoving pizza in our faces on the way home from the hot springs, we got a reservation for 13 people who rented out the entire Estate for the week of Christmas.  While we were out kayaking once, we came back to a 6-week reservation for February/March, and then we got another month-long reservation while having dinner at a friend's... It's like as soon as we give ourselves a break and get out of the house, my phone buzzes with a reservation notification.  So, that means we should just be kicking our feet up all the time, right???  I can get behind that logic. 

We have our last round of guests this week, checking out next Monday, and then we have zero bookings for six straight weeks...and to be honest, I'm looking forward to the break.  Our guests have all been totally awesome and fun to host, but our living quarters are essentially split in half by the "hotel lobby"....a big courtyard that guests use to come and go out the front door, walking by our bedroom on one side and our kitchen on the other. 

It's a really weird thing to have to get used to always having people around "your house."  Between having 1-4 staff members here every day (gardener, housekeeper, pool guy and maintenance guy) and guests coming and going at all hours, we're very rarely "home alone."  (Marco even comes in on Sundays for a couple hours when we have guests, despite me insisting that he works too damn much.)

I wake up to the sound of Marco sweeping the lobby or watering flowers (or the damn bird squawking his head off at sunrise every single morning... Oh, did I mention we got a parrot?  Did I mention I hate him?) ...and I'm pretty sure Marco has seen me with sleepy bed head schlepping my way to the kitchen for coffee in my pajamas waaaaaaay more often than he's seen me put together early in the morning.  Poor man. 

Meet Macho... Don't be fooled by his cuteness, he's evil.  

It's the only down side to living at a "hotel"... I miss the feeling of home being the place where you're most relaxed and unapologetically yourself.  Where you can rock the same pair of paint-stained sweats all weekend and binge on Netflix.  Where you don't have to put pants on as soon as you get out of bed because the pool boy has a habit of walking right past your open bedroom windows.  Where you don't have to be "on" all the time.  Where you don't feel obligated to wash the dishes right away because the housekeeper will see how big of a slob you really are.  (I'm sure you feel really sorry for us, right?  Yeah, I thought so...)

This past Sunday was the first time in months that we've had the place to ourselves, so instead of staying indoors on our laptops as per usual, I forced us outside and we spent the afternoon goofing off in the pool and listening to music.  It was fabulous.  

I'm looking forward to low season, but I am NOT looking forward to another Mexican summer.  When I think about the humidity and the never-ending sweat and the torrential downpours and being unable to sleep and the blasted mosquitoes, I feel my blood pressure start to rise.  So, if we could just fast forward from June to October that would be grrreeeeeat.  

We're headed up to the states to visit friends and family in Portland and Seattle for a few weeks in late July (and to see Bruno Mars in concert for my birthday... NBD) so that'll be a nice break from the thunderstorms.  However, Bloo has to stay here (because he's too friggen big and no airline will take him) and I regularly lose sleep over the thought of being away from him for that long and whether he'll get any snuggles from the staff (he won't) or if he's gonna be sleeping outside at night (he will be) or if he'll get fed on his usual schedule (I'm not counting on it)... So, aside from constantly worrying about being away from my perfect angel boy, I'm looking forward to going home in a few months.  

We had originally planned to stay in Seattle for two whole months this summer just because it's so miserable here, but once we found out that it would be a huge pain to get Bloo there and back, we shortened our trip to 3 weeks.  We're flying into Portland, taking the train to Seattle, driving to Vancouver, B.C., spending back-to-back weekends on Anderson Island and then flying back to Puerto Vallarta out of Seattle the first week of August.  It's going to be a crazy busy trip!!!    

Welp, I should probably go do something with my bed head before our guests are up and about, so....hasta pronto y tenga un buen dia!