San Miguel: One week down...

Despite getting off to a rocky start, I survived my first week of Spanish school... Here's my first week broken down day by day, because I'm sure you're just dying to know:

~ Sunday ~

Ty had to leave San Miguel early to get back to Vallarta before dark...which meant I had a few hours to kill in the hotel room (a.k.a. try to stop crying) before I needed to be at the school around noon.  I caught a taxi uptown to school and knocked on the big, wooden doors around 11:30am.  One of the teachers, who I learned lives onsite, answered in her pajamas and showed me to my room, while asking me a few questions about myself.  

I was worried at first, because the room had three twin beds and I had requested a private room months prior, but she assured me I was going to be the only one staying in it.  She also explained there was another student staying upstairs and that there might be another coming later in the week but the hurricane in Houston had messed up their travel plans, so she wasn't sure.  (By the way this is all happening in Spanish, of course.)

She showed me a few things in my room, and then she left me there alone.  I found it odd there was no sort of "orientation" no tour of the grounds, no instructions on where I was supposed to go in the morning for class, etc.  So, I unpacked a few things, took a nap and then left on foot in search of a "celebratory" dinner.  I thought I deserved a reward for stepping so far out of my anti-adulting comfort zone, so I treated myself to a fancy steak dinner which turned out to be totally weird and awkward.  I hate dining alone.  

When I got back to the school, I looked around the property on my own a bit... When you first walk in the doors, there's an administration office/lobby area, then it goes out to a courtyard with a fountain and some tables and chairs... if you go to the left that'll take you to the classrooms and if you go to the right, down a set of stairs and through the garden...that's where the student housing is.  Student housing is essentially just a big, 3-story house.  The whole ground floor is one big common area, with a large, modern (for Mexico) kitchen, a dining table, couches, foosbol table, seating areas, etc.  The second floor has two bedrooms, mine and another one across the hall.  The third floor has one more bedroom and also access to a third and FOURTH story rooftop deck. 

My school from the road... 

The classrooms are on the right... The double doors lead to the lobby and the street.  

The main courtyard where we take our "tea breaks" around 11:00am every morning... 

Student housing at the rear of the property....it was only built 8 years ago, but the school itself is over 50 years old.   

Shared kitchen... 

The "TV area"....hahahaaa!  

Shared dining and living room... 

My quaint bedroom and private bathroom.... 

View from the 4th story rooftop deck....that's much too high for yours truly, so I don't think I'll be hanging out up there too often. 

Looking down on the third story rooftop....the beginner classroom is across the way.

~ Monday ~

I barely slept at all on Sunday night because my bed has the hardest mattresses I've ever slept on in my life.  I've had a better night's sleep while sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag.  It was like trying to get comfortable on a surgical table.  Awesome.  Only 27 nights to go!

I still didn't know where I was supposed to go, but I remembered that classes started at 9:00, so at about 8:45 I walked up to the courtyard and was shocked to see about 15-20 white people in the lobby.  Say what?!  When the teacher told me there weren't going to be any more students staying at the house, I assumed that meant the classes were going to be really small too.  But the place was buzzing!  I met a nice man, probably in his late 60s, who visits San Miguel a few months a year, and another man from Montana who wanted to learn Spanish for work...and a few others who were staying with friends in town.  Not surprisingly, I was the youngest Gringo at Spanglish school and got asked lots of questions by curious retirees, as per usual.  

I had read online that I would be "interviewed" on my first day so they could determine which class to put me in, but that was just basically the teacher showing me to my room on Sunday and asking me a few questions and then asking me a few more questions on Monday morning like 5 minutes before classes were supposed to start.  But...the problem is, people ask the same questions all the time, so she was only asking questions I've answered a million times already and I can just rattle off my responses in Spanish without many hiccups or pauses.  Where do you live?  What do you do?  Where are you from?  Blah, blah, blah.  In my opinion, that's not a true test of my skill level...it's deceiving, if anything, because I often times sound more advanced than I really am.

Yes, I get by just fine with my current knowledge of Spanish, but I came to school with the hopes of cleaning up my Spanish...and also to be able to comprehend better when other people are talking to me.  I wanted to tell someone that I speak, write and read it pretty well, but I need to improve my comprehension.  I wanted to tell someone that I have no formal Spanish education (sorry, Sean, you don't count!), I wanted to tell someone that when I moved here 15 months ago I didn't even know how to say "My name is..." or the days of the week.  I wanted to tell someone my Spanish is "boots on the ground" Spanish, not technical or textbook.  But I never got the opportunity.  I was told I was intermediate based on my verbal responses to their generic questions and put in a class with one other person (who happened to also be my only housemate...more on her later.) 

After 20 minutes, I knew I was in the wrong class.  The only other student in class had been here a MONTH already and was starting her second month.  And the first day was just reviewing what SHE had just learned the month before... After she and the instructor carried on a 5-minute conversation in Spanish while making me feel totally invisible in the process, I knew I didn't want to be in there for a month.  When I didn't know the answers to the questions or understand what the instructor was saying, the other student would look at me like, "Why are you here?"  It was pretty humiliating and discouraging.  And it was only the first hour of the first day.

In Spanish, I told the instructor that I didn't think I was put in the right class, and she laughed.  Probably at all the mistakes I made while saying so.  I was pulled out of class and was apologized to about the "confusion" and I was instantly dubbed a "beginner."  Again, no one asked me questions, no one asked about my skill level, no one asked me anything.  I was just labeled a beginner and thrown into a different classroom.  Within about 17 seconds I knew that I was in the wrong class again.  They were learning how to say their names and how to ask someone else their name.  And I was like, "Oh, hell nah."  During the break, I went and talked to the director again and was told there was nothing in between intermediate and beginner.  So, I either learn nothing in beginner, or understand nothing in intermediate.  Awesome.  

Needless to say, I was a whacked out ball of stress on my first day and was ready to book my flight home.  I went back to beginner after the break and we (they) learned how to count past 15, and how to say where they're from.  I wanted to die.

Side note:  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a total beginner, I was in their exact place a year and a half ago...I knew nothing.  But I didn't study and practice and embarrass myself every single day since then to start from the bottom again.  I knew I didn't belong in beginner, and I didn't think it was fair (for me or the other intermediate student) to be put in intermediate.  I think I would have done fine in intermediate under normal circumstances, it's where I expected to be placed, but I didn't want to be only one of two students in the class and feel like I was a month behind the whole time.

So, Monday sucked and I spent the whole evening in my room fretting over the fact there was no place for me and thinking I had made a mistake in coming here.  There might have even been some tears, but you can't prove it.  I kicked myself for already booking a plane ticket for the end of the month, because I thought I might not even last a week.  I continued to stress about where I was going to be put the following day, and didn't sleep at all thanks to my bed of bricks.  

~ Tuesday ~

Tuesday morning, the director decided that I would work one-on-one with a teacher (I think he's more like a teacher-in-training...he's really young.)  We started about two-thirds of the way through the beginner workbook and he quizzed me on a lot of beginner material... days of the week, months of the year, pronunciation, the definition of lots of verbs, blah, blah, blah.  I spent the first two hours of class working with him, and it was pretty boring, but better than nothing...and then they sent me to the beginner class in the afternoons for the "conversation" and "vocabulary" segments of the day where we (they) learned the words for different types of shoes and clothing.   

After school, I ventured into town to get some groceries.  I went to the amazeballs fruit and veggie market and bought 4 large carrots, 4 large apples, 4 zucchinis, and 1 large onion for 88 pesos (less than 5 bucks.)  And then I went to a small corner store and bought a big bag of coffee, a jar of mayo, water and butter for 133 pesos (about $7.50) and then headed back to school to do my homework.  

So, Tuesday was better than Monday, but I was still pretty bummed about there not being a class for my skill level... I guess I kinda thought it would be more of a Spanish 1-4 or 5 situation (and that I would be a 2 or 3) and not just strictly beginner, intermediate and advanced...but I tried to tell myself that being (bored) with a private tutor is better than relearning ser, estar y gustar with a bunch of super confused newbies.  

~ Wednesday ~

Wednesday wasn't much different than Tuesday.... It rained all day, but not like the typical Mexican rain I'm used to.  It doesn't downpour here like in Vallarta, it's more like Seattle rain... just a gray, drizzly, constant, soggy, wet rain.  I walked into town again to go to the bank and I was thankful I had thought to pack an umbrella, but I realized I should have packed more warm clothes and better shoes.  The one pair of closed-toe shoes I had packed, were soaked through by the time I got back to the house and I was freezing.  

While I was out, I was approached by a kid in his early 20s carrying a basket of bread.  In perfect English he said, "Hello.  Good afternoon."  And it kinda threw me for a loop... He asked if I speak Spanish and I answered, "Estoy aprendiendo," then he asked me if I wanted to practice with him.  I knew he just wanted to sell me bread, but I was happy to play along.  So he asked me where I'm from and why I was in San Miguel and I explained I'm going to school and I'm here for a month, etc.  He asked if I wanted to buy a loaf of homemade banana bread for 70 pesos (umm, yes, please!!) and before he left he said very matter-of-factly in English, "Your Spanish accent is very good," and then he was gone.  I, of course, had a big, nerdy grin all the way home and then I called Ty and bragged about my "very good accent," because duh.  

Also on Wednesday night, I took my first hot shower!  The water in my bathroom had been cold since I arrived on Sunday, (and I don't mean lukewarm like "cold" water is in Vallarta...I'm talking melted snow caps COLD) and I just assumed they didn't have hot water.... But after sending an email to the director, I found out they had just forgotten to turn my water heater on.  Hallelujah!   

As much as I wished I had packed better for this trip, I really love getting to wear hoodies and snuggle up in blankets every day... Ty is probably sitting shirtless under the ceiling fan and melting his face off as I type this.  Sucker.  

~ Thursday ~

Again, Thursday wasn't much different, except my tutor and I actually started getting into more challenging exercises in the workbook and we were having more impromptu conversations, which is good practice for me... In the afternoon class, we (they) learned the words for different fruits and vegetables. 

This also happened Thursday afternoon... Oops.  

Thursday night I decided to find a restaurant for dinner.  I found this casual, hole-in-the-wall restaurant called Olé Olé a 5-minute walk from school and it was AHHHMAZING.  One thing I've loved about San Miguel so far is the fooooooooood.  Everything tastes so fresh and flavorful and like it came from the Earth and not a corporation.  It's what I imagine food tasted like 100 years ago before hormones and preservatives and blah, blah.  I've never been a big meat-eater, and it's hard to find decent steak in the Bay, but the beef here is ridiculous... Like, even eating it as reheated leftovers the next day, it was still the best steak I've ever had in my life.  Mmmmm. 

~ Friday ~

Friday was an all around good day.  My tutor and I finished the rest of the beginner book, which means we move on to the intermediate book on Monday, and after talking to the director again, I'm also going to ditch the beginner class in the afternoons, and join the big kids in the intermediate "conversation" and "vocabulary" segments of the day.  So, go me.  (I found out there was a second intermediate class with more people in it, so why I was put in a class with a person who's been here a month already, is beyond me.)  Aside from a couple random words here and there, I didn't learn a whole lot of new stuff in my first week...so I'm hoping things ramp up from here, otherwise this could end up feeling like a waste of time and money.  

Friday after classes were over at 1:00pm, there was an optional cooking class students could attend, and there ended up being about a dozen of us... Some students were more helpful than others in the actual cooking process, but there was also a lot of socializing and getting to know each other.  Amazingly, out of 15+ students attending the school right now, I'm the only one who actually lives in Mexico full-time and everyone is shocked when I say, "Soy de Seattle, pero vivo en Puerto Vallarta."  I find that so odd... I thought for sure I would be in the majority.  Most of the students either plan to retire in Mexico eventually, or they just want to learn Spanish because of where they live or work.  I got asked a lot of questions about being an expat and how we came to live here.  While others were helping with the cooking, I helped a couple of the Spanish newbies in my beginner class understand their weekend homework.  (Honestly, I'd feel totally confident and competent teaching a beginner class to other expats, I should NOT be attending one!  Ugh.) 

The director led the cooking class and she made Aztec Soup (basically like tortilla soup) and it was super tasty.... We all sat at a big dining table like it was Thanksgiving and as soon as she told us we can only speak in Spanish at the table, conversation was pretty basic after that.  Ha.  

Also on Friday night, the only other student living in the "dorms" with me moved out!  So, I currently have a sprawling, 3-story house all to myself.  And as I mentioned on Facebook a few days ago, she wasn't exactly "friendly."  I practically had to force an introduction on her, and she just seems to be annoyed by all human interaction in general.  (I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she's single.)  I've always considered myself anti-social/shy around new people, but she makes me look like Miss Congeniality, so I wasn't too heartbroken when I saw her lugging her suitcases downstairs.  I thought for sure I'd be Spanish school besties with whomever I was living with and had hoped to have someone to pal around with on the weekends, but I'm just fine living on my own too.  

Friday night, I walked into town to run some errands, and I noticed some sort of huge, official, government rally-type thing going on in the plaza.  I've never seen so many heavily-armed policía and seguridad privada in one place before.  Yikes.  Hundreds and hundreds of locals showed up for it.   

I wanted to sit and listen to the politicians' speeches, because they were speaking loudly and clearly and I thought it would be good listening/comprehension practice for me, so I popped into a bar next to the plaza that had a good view of the stage.  They didn't want to give me a table unless I ordered a meal, so I ordered something cheap and ate less than half of it because I wasn't all that hungry.  After listening for about 40 minutes or so (and understanding quite a lot!), I got the rest of my food para llevar (to go) and asked for a tenedor de plástico (plastic fork) to go with it.  On my way back to school I crouched down next to a homeless woman who couldn't have been less than 80 years old and asked, "Tienes hambre?" (Are you hungry?)  Her eyes got wide and she nodded up and down and said, "Sí, sí, sí!!"  I gave her my leftovers and a few 10 peso coins, and told her to have a good day and she smiled and thanked me repeatedly as I walked away.  There are far too many homeless, starving, begging senior citizens on the streets of San Miguel, something we don't see in La Cruz, so I'll be making a point to keep spare change in my pockets while I'm here. 

**************

So, it's officially the weekend!  I survived my first week of being away from my nerdy little family and living on my own... I really, really miss (annoying) them and I miss Ty spoiling me with home-cooked meals every night, but I do NOT miss the humidity, the thunderstorms or the mosquitoes.  I'm sure Ty super duper misses me and is bored out of his mind and falls asleep every night while clutching my pillow.  He's definitely NOT enjoying my absence by playing lots of golf and binge-watching "Narcos" on Netflix.  No, siree! 

Anyway... This was a long, boring post...congrats if you made it to the end.  I'm off to the market.  Hasta pronto!   

San Miguel: First Impressions

Well, I've only been in San Miguel for a couple days...but already I have lists of bullet points brewing inside my noggin about my first impressions of the place.  (Lucky you.)  But first, a recap for those who don't know.  When I decided to embark on becoming a semi-competent gringo and enroll in Spanish immersion school in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato for a whole month all by myself...I was excited at first.  "An adventure of a lifetime!"  But as August 28th got closer, I started to get really nervous... Nervous about being away from my little family that long, nervous about being in an unfamiliar city 400+ miles from home, nervous about being a foreign female traveling alone, nervous about having to "wing it" without the comfortable feeling of Ty holding my hand and doing all of the adulting for me.  So, when we were trying to decide how I was going to get here, Ty offered (possibly with some convincing) to drive me here himself and help me figure out the town before school started.  Because he's the bestest and he loves me more than anything in the whole world!  (Right, babe?)

We spent three nights in a quaint inn near the center of town called Hotel Posada Maria Luisa... It wasn't anything fancy but for about 70 bucks a night (which included free parking and a hot breakfast on the rooftop terrace every morning) it was good enough for what we needed.  Our goal these last few days has been to find markets, laundry mats, etc. within walking distance of my school.  Our days were spent sightseeing, Googling-mapping and taking mental notes of where places were located and our nights were spent having rooftop dinners and whining about how much we were going to miss each other over the next few weeks... (Okay, maybe it was just me whining.) 

Anyway, here's my take on the town at first glance... 

What I like about San Miguel so far:

• The 1500's colonial architecture -- I've always been a huge history nerd and love all things ancient and ornate, so it's a very visually stimulating town to roam around in.  I've never been to Europe, but it's how I imagine Spain looked a few hundred years ago.  It's almost like going back in time.  You can tell very little has changed about the streets and the facades of the houses and buildings since it was established in 1542.  In fact, there aren't really even signs on businesses, and I imagine it's to keep the "authenticity" of the city.  You can't look down a long, narrow street and spot a bank or a OXXO or a restaurant...you don't really know you've found something until you're literally at a (super old) door step.  It almost feels like a "secret city" and places are only found by stumbling past a doorway and everything is kept hidden from the street behind tall, stone walls... It seems like it would take years to fully explore every boutique or cafe tucked away from street view.  

Parroquia San Miguel Arcangel, built in the 17th century and one of the most photographed churches in all of Mexico...

• Vibrant and unique -- I get why people are drawn to San Miguel...it's very colorful and has a magical, charming, old world feel to it.  I'm sure I'll get to witness a lot of the city's character over the next month.  Stay tuned.

• Rooftop views -- Because San Miguel is kinda sunken in the middle like a bowl and then it expands up the hills in all directions the rooftop views here are incredible.  We ate dinner at Luna Tapas Bar above the Rosewood Hotel right around sunset and it was stunning... You could stand anywhere on the roof and turn in a full circle and see for miles and miles in every direction.  If you ever go to San Miguel, add this as a "must do" while you're there.  (These photos are just from Google...photos I took on my phone didn't do a damn bit of justice.)   

The view from the rooftop of our hotel... 

• Shopper's Paradise -- Had I known what a shopping mecca this place was, I woulda brought an extra suitcase to fill up!  From the never-ending Mercado de Artesanias (artisan market), to little hole-in-the-wall boutiques, to the art galleries and jewelry stores...I could spend a week here just shopping (and I don't even like to shop!)  I feel like a lot of the clothes and goods in the Bay are more mass-produced, touristy stuff and everything I've seen here definitely looks authentic and high-quality.  I've seen so many cute Mexican shirts, handmade leather sandals, ornate handbags, stunning jewelry... I want it all!  Another thing I liked about the large mercado in town was that none of the vendors were aggressively trying to get us to come in their booth like they do in Bucerias and Vallarta...I was able to browse without feeling anxious or pressured.  (Note to self: check to see if I can upgrade my plane ticket home to include two checked bags instead of one.)  Ty, of course, is super glad that I have no extra space in my suitcase so I can't spend any money... 

• Fresh Markets -- The farmer's markets are a foodie's dream come true.  I don't think I'll have any problem eating healthy while I'm here, although, I might be eating more vegetarian fare if I'm cooking for myself at home.  Don't forget... I only claim to be "Mexican-ish" and walking past the row of butcher shops yesterday kinda made my stomach do a salmonella-filled back flip.  Not sure I'm brave enough to buy raw meat that looks to be kept at questionable temperatures yet.  (What a wuss.)  I'll save the proteins for the professional chefs to cook and feed to me.  

• My hair isn't pyscho -- I'm frizz free!!  I can flat iron my hair!!  I don't look like a mix between a lion and a deranged poodle!!  

• I haven't sweat a drop yet -- Even though Ty and I spent two days hoofing it around on foot to try and get a feel for the town, I have yet to break a sweat.  After months and months of feeling so blasted hot and sticky and uncomfortable and my face melting clean off my skull, the climate here is FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC.  It still gets up into the 80s in the afternoons, but the humidity is like a third of what it is back in Vallarta.  I get to wear makeup and look slightly less homeless for a few weeks! Hallelujah!  

• I need a blanket at night!  I actually think heaters are more common here than air conditioners!  If right now is the "hottest time of year" for San Miguel, I'm sure we'd never have to use A/C if we lived here.  It's downright comfortable all day and night.  I bet the winters actually get cold... Wouldn't that be nice.  Ahhh.  Also, it hasn't rained here yet, but I'll be interested in comparing the thunderstorms here to back home... 

• I get to wear jackets and hoodies!  As a girl from the Pacific Northwest, this has me feeling all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside.  It's been in the high 50s to low 60s in the mornings and we both had to wear a jacket to eat breakfast on the roof of our hotel each morning.  I get to have an entire month of comfy blankets and long sweats.  And bonus, I also get to skip out on a whole month of Vallarta in the summer.  (Blech.)   

• Snuggling with Ty -- Ty wasn't a big, clammy ball of sweaty grossness at all this weekend.  It's a miracle!  I actually feel bad that he has to drive back to Vallarta today... That's gonna be like walking into a wall of swamp when he gets home.  

• No mosquites -- I get bit by mosquitoes like at least 20-30 times a day (despite using every kind of repellent known to man) and I have yet to see a single one since we arrived 4 days ago.  It's so nice not to be slapping and scratching my legs all day.  (All the temperature-related bullet points probably seem silly to people who don't live here, but it's amazing how much personal comfort enhances or takes away from your quality of life and mental sanity.  It's a very real thing.)

This was from a week ago after sitting down at the computer for like 5 whole minutes... 

• Less litter and stray animals -- the streets seem cleaner here and the only dogs we've seen have been on leashes or with their owners.  So, I guess I won't be rescuing any puppies and stowing them away in my luggage while I'm here.  (Darn it.) 

• Food! -- There are tons of tasty restaurants here... I'm sure I could go to a different place for dinner every night and not even scratch the surface.  But, sadly, I will be spending most nights at home in an effort to eat healthy and save money.  (Boring.) 

And now for what I DON'T like about San Miguel, because this blog post wouldn't be complete without me complaining...

• Big, noisy and crowded -- I didn't do a whole lot of research before we arrived (shocker) but I had seen lots of photos and heard many people talk fondly about the charming town and for whatever reason I imagined it as a SMALL, quaint and quiet.  But, nope.  It's a bustling CITY of over 150,000 people and it feels like it's bursting at the seams with cars, buses, taxis and pedestrians at all hours of the day.  It's definitely charming, but it is not quiet.  

• Narrow streets and sidewalks -- Because the town is a bazillion years old, the streets are all very narrow (some as narrow as 10 feet across) and there is very little two-way traffic here.  I'm afraid to step off the curb in fear that a lumbering bus (that doesn't even look like it should fit down the road) is gonna run me over...because even though the roads are narrow and traffic is crazy, no one seems very concerned with slowing down while driving through town.  I haven't seen any traffic lights or stop signs here either...every intersection is basically like a 4-way stop and you just take turns going.  It seems messy and chaotic.  (This is definitely a "nope" for yours truly.)  And the sidewalks are even worse...they're only about 2 feet wide, not wide enough for you and an oncoming person to both stay on the sidewalk while passing each other, and it also seems that locals aren't concerned if they run you over either.  Walking around town, you're constantly going up and down the curb to let people pass while also hoping that stepping into traffic isn't going to kill you. 

  

• No parking -- Also, due to the skinny streets and lack of shoulders, there's a major lack of parking here.  On any road that is wide enough for two cars to pass, they have designated parking sections (turning the road into a one-way) and everywhere else is off limits.  Driving here makes driving back in Vallarta look like a piece of cake! 

• Expats here don't seem as friendly and welcoming as back home -- It could just be my imagination, and time will tell, but I get the impression that expats aren't as friendly as they are in the Bay.  Walking down the street the past couple of days in our shorts and flip flops, I feel like we've been looked up and down a few times by other gringos...and I imagined they were thinking, "Ugh.  Tourists."  As if they had more of a right to be here than we do.  Maybe it's just in my head, but in Vallarta it feels like everywhere you go, other expats are eager to introduce themselves, ask where you're from, ask your "expat story," etc.  So, I'll be interested to see if that ever happens here... I'm not counting on it. 

• On a related note, I feel like a gringo tourist again and not a Mexican Resident of 16 months -- The same thing happened when we visited Guadalajara last summer...we looked/felt really out of place.  We live in a small, laid back beach town, so we wear tank tops and flip flops every day!  Well... people living inland don't (Mexicans and Americans alike), and I'm sure they know we're "not from around here." 

Side note:  This part of living in Mexico is always super fascinating to me... When Northerners think of Mexico, most of them think of sandy beaches, margaritas and palm trees like where we live (and I used to think the same way)...but that is such a small part (geographically) of Mexico.  And comparing Puerto Vallarta to San Miguel is like comparing Long Beach, California to Denver, Colorado.  They're very different.  Each state in Mexico (there are 31, in case you were wondering) is just as diverse as they are in the U.S. and usually you're able to tell/guess where a person might be from based on looks or accents.  If you lived in Portland, Oregon and you and all your friends were sporting Birkenstocks and handmade scarves while sipping organic coffee at a hipster cafe and you saw a guy wearing a cowboy hat and boots, you'd think, "he's not from around here."  (I'm the cowboy in this scenario and the Portland hipsters are the uppity expats in San Miguel.)  

The same is also true about crime and travel warnings in Mexico... Canceling your vacation to Puerto Vallarta because you heard about all the tainted alcohol problems in Cancun is like cancelling your trip to Miami because there was a mall shooting in Los Angeles.  After living here a while, it's just amazing to me how most Americans lump Mexico into one big bowl of guacamole.  It's SO MUCH more than that!  Te quiero Mexico! 

Anyway...back to my pointless lists.

• I'm gonna get lost a lot -- Because the streets all have the same style of tall walls and you can't see in any one direction very far, I've had a hard time figuring out where I am and where I need to go to get from A to B.  Even Ty was having a hard time and he's like a magical compass.  I normally have a really good sense of direction, but I haven't quite figured out up from down yet...a lot of streets look exactly the same!  And with very few business signs or identifying markers, it's hard to remember which corner you need to turn on, etc.  Imagine being trapped in a life-size maze with 3-story walls.  It's like that.  

• Walking -- the streets and sidewalks are all made of the same slick, black, flat stone and they're slippery to walk and drive on.  And San Miguel is hilly, so walking around in flip flops is quickly proving to become a tricky problem.  I can't imagine how slick it's going to be after it rains.  I wish I would have packed more than one pair of Nikes.

• The elevation -- This one is a pro and a con.  San Miguel is at 6,500 feet above sea level and that's why it feels so nice and cool, but having lived below 500 feet for the last 20 years of my life, I'm having a hard time breathing here!  I lose my breath a couple times a minute at least, so trying to exercise here should be interesting.  

• Men are in charge, apparently -- At least 3-4 times this past weekend when we've gone into a tienda to buy something, I've handed the money to the cashier and then he hands the change to Ty.  Even though I'm standing RIGHT THERE WITH MY HAND OPEN AND WAITING and even though I'm the one who paid him.  What the hell is up with that??  Even Ty noticed and admitted that wasn't right.

• I'm gonna get homesick -- It may come as a surprise, but I'm pretty obsessed with my husband and my perfect pupper and not being able to annoy either of them with smoochies for a whole month makes my heart twinge.  I hope I'm really busy with school and that I can use homework and studying and reading and writing pointless blather for my mothers to read to keep me distracted from the fact that I'm gonna sleep alone for 29 straight nights, because if get really homesick it's going to make this a really long four weeks and a lot of whiney phone calls to Ty. 

Well, that's all that came to mind my first weekend here... I'm interested to see how I'll feel about San Miguel by the time I leave.  

I arrived at my little Spanish School around 11:00 this morning and have been settling in okay... I have a bedroom to myself, but it's meant to sleep 3 people, so it's really big and empty-feeling.  It's very, very quiet here and so far there's only one other student staying in the "dorms" with me, although I haven't met her yet.  I'm assuming there will only be a couple students total since this is their "slow time" but I guess that just means I'll be getting private tutoring instead of making any new friends.  I wasn't really given much of an "orientation" when I arrived, so I don't really know what I'm supposed to do in the morning or where I need to go, but I guess I hafta just figure it out all adult-like!  

Well, I'm off to bed... Buenas noches!  

A Gringo Cautionary Tale

Once upon a time there was a Swedish manboy who lived with his beautiful, hilarious, awesome wife in a little town called La Cruz de Huanacaxtle.  They ran a charming, boutique hotel on the beach and lived there with their perfect pup named Bloo and a newly-adopted nerd named Luna.

One day, while the wife was toiling away on the computer for hours and hours working to better their hotel operations, the manboy got whiney... He was bored and wanted to do something fun.  He pouted at his wife to stop working and to go to their favorite hot springs with him.  After much begging and pleading, his amazing wife agreed.

AND THEN THEY BARELY MADE IT HOME ALIVE.

Okay, not really... But man, what were we thinking driving up the mountain to Nuevo Ixtlan during rainy season?!  Dummies.  We knew it could be "iffy" driving up there because you have to drive through several river beds along the way (they're dry most of the year)... But we hadn't gotten any huge thunderstorms in like a week, so it was probably fine, right?

WRONG.

There are two ways to get to the Nuevo Ixtlan Aguas Termales... One is cutting across the point to Sayulita and going through San Pancho and Lo de Marcos all the way up to Lima de Abajo traveling along the coast. You turn off the highway at a mile marker onto dirt roads for the rest of the way, which we have only done once...the other way is going through Bucerias to San Juan de Abajo, El Colomo, Portuna de Vallejo, etc.  They both take 90+ minutes to get there, but we like the second route better.   We go through lots of small, authentic towns and drive through lush greenery while listening to our favorite songs and (poorly) singing at the tops of our lungs. 

Fun fact:  We actually have no idea the names of any of the streets we need to take to get there, we only know the directions by sight and certain landmarks. "Turn left where we asked that guy for directions that one time"... "Go straight where those ladies sell coconuts", etc.  We even have a "landmark" we named "guy in chair."  (There's a super old man who sits in his chair leaned up against a house and he has been in the same exact spot every time we've gone to the springs.) 

Yesterday, we drove up our usual way and we did have to cross a few creeks in the mini van as we suspected we might have to.  But no big deal.

One of the creeks...

We also got stuck in a Mexican traffic jam... Just another Thursday!

The springs... ahhh. (Not my picture, obviously.)

We tie these two derps together when we're out and about and they haven't figured out that they're not really tied up yet.... Nerds.

Well, while we were enjoying our beloved hot springs... it started to rain.  "Ahhhh, how romantic!  Hot springs in the rain!"  And then.... it started to rain harder.  "Uh-oh." Even though there's a lot of canopy coverage overhead, all of our stuff was getting soaked, the dogs were starting to get wet and antsy (they're afraid of the thunder, understandably.)  So, after a while we decided to head back out... We were worried what the rain was doing to our small creek crossings, so we decided to drive back through Lima de Abajo instead of our usual route because we thought we remembered it having less dirt roads and more highway.  "Yeah, that'll be safer!!"  Dummies.  

We weren't driving for very long when we approach a RAGING RIVER where the ROAD IS SUPPOSED TO BE.  Um, nope.  I was trying to convince Ty to turn the hell around and go back the other way, but there was a 10-year old Mexican kid standing in the river/road trying to wave us through.  Like he put himself in charge of river traffic for their tiny town or something.  I very calmly sat in the van and totally was not panicking at all while Ty waded out in the river to check the depth for himself.  The kid was telling him, "Muy facile, no problemas!" right as Ty lost both of his flip flops and helplessly watched them float on down the road.  He trekked back up to the van soaking wet and barefoot and said, "We're gonna go for it."  To which I replied, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

The kid walked back up to his house on the corner and watched our Gringo-ness from his window.  I looked at him just before we pretended we were driving a Jeep and not a Dodge Caravan and he gave me a big smile and a thumbs up.  After we had safely made it across the raging rapids of nope-ness, I gave him a big wave out the window and yelled, "Muchas gracias!"  Locals are the best.

Twenty minutes later we were still on dirt roads with sections of slippery cobblestone, and we were wondering how much further until the highway when we came upon a truck that couldn't make it up the slippery rocks.  An older Mexican woman was (pointlessly) trying to push the truck from behind while her husband laid on the gas.  (Sounds like something Ty would do to me.)  Without even thinking or speaking, we parked our pretend Jeep and hopped out in the pouring rain (Ty was still barefoot, mind you) to help the woman push the truck up the cobblestone hill.  And then I became the little kid in the window and gave her a big smile and a thumbs up as she schlepped up the wet road trying to catch up with her husband in the truck.  (Also sounds like something Ty would do to me.)  Never a dull moment.

We drove back the rest of the way without much incident, both sitting on soaking wet seats, totally drenched from head to toe.  The temperature dropped into the 70s while it was raining and we actually had to turn on the heat in the van!  That was a first.

We made it back before dark, but being too mentally exhausted (on my part, of course... Ty loved all the excitement) to think about what we should do for dinner, we decided to drop the dogs off at the house, get Ty some replacement flip flops and then head to Tacos on the Street, where we recounted the hilarity of the day's events.  I have to admit... The day's "adventures" were pretty fun...but I don't think we'll be going back to Las Aguas Termales until at least October after all that!!  I mean... what if we really couldn't make it back??  What if we had to camp in the van in the woods with two dogs and no food or water or cell service until the rains let up??  No thanks!  Gringo lesson learned. 

The Downside

As usual, I try to "keep it real" on this little blabber blog... I'm the first to admit that I thought my new Mexican life would be all sunshine and rainbows.  (Well, that's probably not a good analogy....) I thought it would be filled with exotic, non-stop adventures and life-bettering experiences.  I thought I would finally get around to becoming the person I thought for sure I would be "if I had more time."  I'm not stupid, I knew it was going to be challenging and I was super nervous about making such a drastic life change...but I also naively thought that there would be more easy than hard.  I'm not saying I don't like living in Mexico, I do.  But for everything I like about it, there's also something I don't like about it. 

I'll write a post entitled "The Upside" eventually about the affordable healthcare, about never having to set an alarm clock, about how dirt cheap food is... but I'm sure it's much more interesting (a.k.a entertaining) for you to read the not-so-hot facts about living in a semi-tropical climate.  Not counting the obvious things like the soul-sucking summer humidity and 4-5 months of being riddled with mosquito bites.... Here's my list of things I don't like about living in Mexico:

• All the stray dogs.  I pretty much wanna wrangle up all the homeless pups and turn our house into a dog sanctuary and become a crazy dog mom.  (Because have you met me?)
• Speaking of stray pets... Roadkill here is almost always in the form of a dog or cat.  Just yesterday driving home from Nuevo, I saw an absolutely destroyed cat in the road and then a few miles later the same had happened to a dog.  Had Ty been driving I woulda shrieked and covered my eyes. And no one ever cleans them up.  They just stay there until they are a complete, tire-tracked pancake.  Ugh.
• Also on the subject of roadkill... I don't like how easy it is to accidentally kill a living creature.  I have to carefully and slowly drive down our street so as not to run over any small lizards.  (And by "small" I mean like, 10+ inches long.) I'm constantly stopping the car and willing them to safely run off into the bushes instead of under my car.  I even stopped for a crab once and urged him across the road with a stick.  Ty thinks I'm nuts and rolls his eyes at me swerving down our street...but sorry, not sorry.  
• "Birds in the kitchen" was on my mental draft of this post and just now I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and there were FOUR BIRDS FLYING AROUND.  Four!  I, of course, remained totally calm and didn't freak out at all.  Because I'm an adult.  (Right?)  This is a downside to living in Mexico, because you wanna keep your doors open for airflow, but that also means you're going to get a few unwanted winged visitors.  We usually get about a bird a week in the kitchen (they like to steal dog food, of all things) and just yesterday one came into our bedroom and I had to stop Luna from turning him into lunch.   Oh, and then there are the 3 bats we've had flying around our room, of course.  Good times.  

• Speaking of bats... I don't mind them being around because they eat bugs, but I'm sick of bat poop.  I know which eaves they like to sleep under because there are the same piles of bat droppings to sweep up every morning.
• And I hate all the Gecko poop!  I'm not exaggerating when I say it's EVERYWHERE!  Gecko poop in Mexico is the equivalent to like...dust...back home.  Because no matter how often you clean it, it will ALWAYS come back.  
• Iguana poop.  (Man, there's a lot of fecal matter in this post.  My bad.) Especially when I step in a big, steaming fresh pile of it.  Yeah, that happened.  An iguana broke a branch and fell out of the Huanacaxtle tree and, understandably, it scared the salsa right outta him.  And then I stepped in it while filming him.  Barefoot. (Awesome!)

• I hate all the horses tied to trees!  Why is this a thing even???  Why?  Just why?  We've seen dozens and dozens of horses tied up to trees by a very short rope, so they can't wander, graze or even really move.  I'd understand if someone was just "parking" their horse for a bit...but that's not the case since we've seen horses in the same spots for days.  I assume this is because the owner doesn't have a pen for the horse, but seeing this always depresses the hell outta me.  

• Scorpions.  Just a couple days ago I saw one on the floor like six inches from Bloo's sleeping head.  I have no idea where it came from.  It's like it just appeared in the middle of the floor because it would have had to walk past mine or Ty's bare feet to get where it was.  Um, nope.  After Ty smashed it with a dustpan, he was gonna throw it into the bushes and I said, "Don't do that!  I don't want the dogs to accidentally eat a dead scorpion!!"  And then I thought, "There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say."

Wow, I'm just now noticing that this ENTIRE post has been critter-related so far.  I guess I'm not getting "used to" them as well as I thought I was...

Some non animal-related things I don't like about living here:

• The dairy products just kinda suck.  The cottage cheese is watery and funky-tasting, the majority of even "healthy" yogurts are riddled with sugar, milk goes bad in like two days, the cheese is weird (I miss pepperjack and Tillamook), and the ice cream is heavy on the "icy" and light on the "creamy."  Blech.  
• A lot of food products are hard to find or they're expensive because they're imported.  The big grocery stores have what we refer to as "the gringo aisle" full of organic coffee, gluten-free pasta, Asian condiments and other items that'll cost you an arm and a leg.  Dill pickles have been a staple in my fridge my whole life and I miss them dearly!  
• Thanks to the climate, everything rusts, corrodes, rots, gets faded by the sun, gets eaten by termites (okay, that's kinda critter-related) or goes moldy.  You learn to shop for things like kitchenware and home goods with the least amount of metal on them. If you aren't able to buy something in plastic or wood (like a cheese grater), it's going in the garbage in a year.  I promise.  
• Topes.  (Pronounced toe-pays.)  Topes are big ass speed bumps and the majority of the time they aren't painted, so you only notice them as you're hurdling the car over them going 30 miles per hour.  
• I hate the litter.  I see a lot of locals taking great care of their section of sidewalk... Proudly sweeping and washing and watering in front of their house or tienda every morning, but we also see a lot of garbage everywhere we go.  There's that "one house" on our street whose curbside garbage can is always overflowing...and then dogs and birds get into it and spread it all over and they just leave the whole mess there at all times.  (Despite the fact that the garbage gets picked up 3 times per week!)
• The internet is TERRIBLE.  When we're at the Hotel and there are umpteen guests using the WiFi at the same time, I might as well take a nap because I'm not getting ANY work done.  I have one of those "speed test" apps on my phone that tests Mb-whatevers and I've never seen it go over 5.  I'm no computer genius, but I know that ain't good!  
• This is probably what I dislike the most about living here... I hate feeling ugly all the time.  Even in the winter, I can't really control my hair for more than a few hours before it morphs into a sweaty fuzzball on top of my head.  I would guess that 94% of the days we've spent here, my hair has been in a sloppy bun or ponytail.  Makeup is pointless and I only put it on if I'm sitting directly in front of the A/C vents in the car in the middle of winter.  I'm also currently in the worst shape of my LIFE because exercising in this heat is just about the LAST thing I feel like doing.  So, I'm a chubby, sweaty, frizzy and make-up less person in Mexico.  No me gusta.  
• The furniture is uncomfortable.  Handmade, wooden, Mexican furniture may be pretty to look at, but just hope you don't have to sit on it.  Furniture-makers must think there's a serious posture problem in this country because sitting on one of these bad boys will make you sit up like a sinner in church.  And don't get me started on the granite counter tops they call "mattresses" here.  Hard pass.  (Haha, get it?) 

• This one is going to sound crazy, but I don't really like having a housekeeper as much as I thought I would.  Last summer, our place was being cleaned 3 times per week and it felt more intrusive than helpful... Yes, it's nice to have a perfectly clean house, but I also felt like I couldn't be fully relaxed in my own "home."  Not only does it feel like there's always someone around, but I also constantly felt like I had to pick up after myself immediately... because if I left my sandy shoes in the living room, or Spanish homework strewn about the counter, or dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, that would mean the maid would be picking up after me like a child.  And sometimes you just wanna leave a mess for "later!"  
• I hate how hard it is to find things here and how you usually have to hire someone to have something made... I had no idea how spoiled we were consumer-wise in the States.  Need affordable curtains?  Just run down to Fred Meyer where you'll find 100 different styles in all shapes and sizes!  Here?  I looked at curtains at WalMart and they had 5 panels of curtains.  Not five styles...five panels total for sale.  And none of them matched.  This will be one of those situations where I have to buy the fabric from a fabric store, ask for recommendations for a seamstress, try to contact said seamstress, explain to her what I want (in bad Spanish) and pay her to make them for me.  

Alright, I think I've met my quota for complaining for today.

Well, Ty just suggested we take the pups to the hot springs for the afternoon, so I'm outta here!  Hasta luego!  

Vacation in Reverse

Hola, mis amigos!!!  We're back from our 3-week "vacation" to the States!  However....we're currently sitting (and melting) in a sports bar in Bucerias borrowing their WiFi, because our phone line and internet got knocked out by a big thunderstorm while we were gone and despite daily trips to TelMex this past week, there doesn't seem to be any progress or sense of urgency on their part.  Definitely one of the down sides to living in Mexico, is that everything is done in "Mexican time."  I know...first world problems. 

Our trip back home to visit friends and family was lots of fun, but it was super busy... nearly everyday was planned out...there were even some days where every HOUR was planned out.  For example, in one day, we drove back to Seattle from Canada, stopped in Bellingham for lunch with Ty's aunt and uncle on the way, then drove 2 hours south of Seattle to visit friends/old co-workers for dinner, before catching an 11pm ferry to Anderson Island to spend a few nights out there with Ty's parents.  Almost every day felt like that.  Fun, but stretched thin...and kinda exhausting.  And despite it being so miserably HOT here right now, it does feel good to be "home." 

Let's see.... I could tell you all about how we both managed to gain 10 pounds eating and drinking our way through Portland and Seattle and Vancouver (hashtag worth it.)  I legit had a list of foods I "needed" to eat, just the same way I had a list of people I "needed" to see, and dogs I "needed" to smooch.  (Because, you know, priorities.)  I could tell you how many Reuben sandwiches I ate (several) or how many bowls of pho I happily slurped up (not enough) or how many different types of beer we drank.  (We're so SICK of Corona and Pacifico.  I'm sure we have your sympathy, right?)  But, none of that is very interesting reading material... 

I could tell you all about seeing Bruno Mars in concert on my birthday up in Vancouver, and how Ty bought us awesome seats, and how we stayed in a teeny tiny (but adorable) AirBnB and how we got to meet up with some super fun Jardin guests we met a few months ago that live there... but again, that probably doesn't interest you.  

I could tell you how FANTASTIC it was to be able to straighten my hair and just have it STAY LIKE THAT the rest of the day.  I forgot how manageable my curly, frizzy, crazy ass hair used to be in un-tropical climates.  Like, it made me so happy to feel semi "put-together" for the first time in 14 months, that this is seriously enough of a reason for me to want to move back home.  Like, if Ty and I ever draw up a pros and cons list about where to live, "hair isn't pyscho" is going in the win column for Portland/Seattle.  Also in the win column, "not sweating all day and night and not being eaten by mosquitoes."  But for sure you don't wanna hear about my hair problems (more than you already have)... 

I could tell you that I took more baths than showers while we were there, because I have yet to see a bathtub in Mexico and it's a lazy-girl luxury I miss... (I'm a big fan of doing any "to-do" while lying down.)  On a similar note... I forgot what actual water pressure feels like!  I almost lost my footing when I took a shower at my parent's house after being blasted by the shower head... 

I could tell you that one of the biggest "shocks" being back home was the PRICE of everything.  How did we ever afford 3 dollars for a single avocado??  Or 18 bucks for two measly beers?  Or 35 bucks for a 10-minute taxi ride?  Even though we were crashing in Ty's high school bedroom at his parent's house, our trip back home set us back thousands of dollars in mostly bars and restaurants and socializing with friends... This fact definitely goes in the pro-Mexico column.  We definitely couldn't be retired bums anymore if we moved back home. 

I could tell you how nice it was to be able to spend several days on Anderson Island with friends, cousins, Ty's parents and then just the two of us... (Three of us if you count Cousin Cleaver!!)  

I could tell you how miserable it was being away from my perfect angel of a pup for three weeks and not knowing how he was doing (our housekeeper was house sitting and she doesn't have a cell phone) and how I scrolled through the hundreds of photos on my phone of him daily and wondered what he was doing and if he missed me back.  That's normal, right?  I thought so.  

I could tell you about all that stuff... I could... but what I found most interesting about our jaunt up north, was the actual traveling aspect.  It's kinda a weird thing flying to the States as a "tourist."  From the moment I arrived at the Puerto Vallarta Airport, I felt like everything was happening in reverse.  All the white people around me were freshly sunburned, wearing fedoras, lugging souvenirs home....their vacations were all ending, and mine was just starting.  

When I approached the TSA agent checking boarding passes and passports at security, I handed her my stuff and out of habit I said, "Hola, buenas tardes."  (This is just what you do in Mexico...it's customary to greet everyone everywhere you go.)  As soon as I spoke in my semi-decent Spanish accent, she got a big smile on her face and said (in Espanol), "You speak Spanish!!"  Then I gave her my go-to response when an elated Mexican says this to me, "Estoy aprendiendo!" ...which means, "I'm learning."  (I never say the over-used "un poquito" accompanied with a giggle response that most gringos default to... Sorry, but it's a pet peeve of mine.  Learn how to say something more original already.)

Later, sitting at my gate waiting to board, I must have had something in my eye because I was rubbing it and the woman sitting next to me said, "Are you crying because vacation is over and you have to leave Mexico?" trying to be funny.  Then I proceeded to break out in a dorky smirk and said, "Actually.  I live here.  I'm going north to see family."  To which she responded by dropping her jaw and asking a bunch of questions about what she assumed was an exotic life, just as I expected/hoped she would.  This is one of those things that's fun about living in Mexico... You get to SAY you live in Mexico!  All 8 of my devoted blog readers get to read about the highs and lows and the dirty truth about how hard it is moving to a new country, but a random woman I'm never gonna see again?  She only gets the highlights because it makes me feel super special and envied for like 10 minutes.  I know.  I'm pathetic.  But I'm okay with it.  

I arrived in Santa Ana, California to go through customs when my next I'm-a-pretend-Mexican moment happened.  Going through immigration there were 3 lines to choose from:  US Citizens, Visitors and Residents.  It took me a couple beats to figure out where I belong.  I'm still a US Citizen...but technically I'm a "visitor", right?  I decided on US Citizen and when I approached the passport-checker dude, he routinely said, "How was your vacation?" like they always do.  And I sorta stalled while deciding on how to answer... I could have just said, "It was good," but I didn't want to lie so I told him my vacation was just starting and that I live in Mexico.  This was NOTHING like talking to the easily-impressed tourist in the airport.  Instead, I got raised eyebrows and lots of follow-up questions.  

The next time we got raised eyebrows and lots of follow-up questions was trying to cross the US/Canadian border back into Washington... The border lines were slow and when we finally got up to the window and handed the intense-looking border agent our passports, the first question out of his mouth was, "Where's home?"  Again, we both paused a bit before answering knowing "Mexico" was gonna be a red flag.  Technically, we consider the Pacific Northwest our "home" and Mexico is where we live...but I don't think the bulletproof vest-wearing dude with the big, scary, red beard and polarized sunglasses cared about technicalities.  We answered, "We live in Mexico right now," and then prepared for the onslaught... 

Agent:  "What were you doing in Canada?"
Ty:  "We went to see a concert." 
Agent:  "You came all the way from Mexico for a concert?  That seems odd." 
Ty:  "We are visiting family in Seattle and just drove up for a few days." 
Agent:  "What concert was it?"
Ty: "Bruno Mars, downtown."
Agent: *obviously doesn't know who Bruno Mars is*  "What do you do in Mexico?"
Ty: *playfully*  "Not much!"
Agent: *not amused*
Me:  *rolls eyes at Ty* "We run a small hotel there." 
Agent:  "How do you two know each other?"
*We both scoff* "We're married."
Agent:  "When do you go back to Mexico?"
Ty:  "August 4th."
Agent:  "Who's car is this?"
Ty:  "My parent's car." 
Agent:  "If you're driving their car, what are they driving?"
Ty: *starting to get annoyed*  "They have two other cars."

Then he started repeating his questions with different wording in an obvious attempt to try and catch us in a lie, which is when Ty really started getting annoyed and his answers turned a little smart-assy and then the agent asked, "Why are you so nervous?"  (To be honest, the guy was kinda a prick right from the get-go and I'm sure he asks everyone this question just to get a rise out of them.)  Ty throws his head back and laughs like, "What do you want from us, dude?"  And that's when the agent slapped a yellow sticker on our windshield and sent us to the "secondary inspection" area.  Oh, great.  

We park in the inspection area and take our yellow ticket inside where we quickly realize we're the ONLY white people in the building.  Hmmm.  We wait in line and finally approach the counter where a female border agent, who was most definitely allergic to facial expressions, asked us a lot of the same questions with only slightly less attitude as the first dude.  At this point we're just annoyed because we have lunch plans in Bellingham and we were approaching 90 minutes stuck at the border... We rolled our eyes a bunch like, "We don't care if you search our car, go for it."  She first searches my purse then asks for our keys and tells us to go sit with the rest of the unfortunates waiting to get their cars returned to them.

As soon as we sit down... Ty's eyes get wide and he asks, "Oh, crap.  Is the Fireball in the car??"  Ty had purchased a small pint of Fireball at the liquor store to sip on at our AirBnB before we left for the concert.  When we were packing up our luggage the next morning, we just threw the remainder of the bottle in our backpack, not even thinking about the fact that it was technically an "open container."  Then MY eyes got wide and I proceed to start panicking and imagining the worst case scenario possible.  (In case you don't know, I'm a zero-to-cancer kind of person.... meaning I make mountains out of molehills.  Ty is 5 minutes late coming home from the grocery store?  He must have died in a horrific car accident.  I wake up in the middle of the night with hip pain?  Bone cancer.  I find a new mole?  Skin cancer.  Bloo seems a little off today?  Puppy cancer.  You get the point.) 

So, I proceed to panic about being arrested, about Ty's parent's car being impounded, about being stuck at the border and having to call Ty's parents to save us.  "Your dad is going to be so pissed."  I start to wonder if we'll still be in prison before our flight back to Vallarta the following Friday.  That's normal, right?  

We decide to just tell her the truth that we were just cleaning out our hotel room and totally didn't think about it being an open container.  We were just gonna come clean and beg forgiveness!!  I mean... We're not real criminals, right?!  Please have mercy!

The expressionless agent loudly says, "Tyler!" and we both approach the counter with our rehearsed response on the tips of our tongues when she hands us back our passports and car keys and says we're free to go.  PHEEEW.  She might have found the bottle and not cared (as in it was too minor) but there's a good chance she never saw it at all...it was buried underneath toiletries and phone chargers and my makeup bag and we don't know how well she checked the car because you're not allowed to watch them inspect it.  We booked it away from the border and I'm pretty sure Ty was shaking all the way to Bellingham.  

The trip back to Vallarta was much more enjoyable travel-wise than the rest of the trip.  As residents, we get to skip the tourist-filled lines at immigration and go through the line reserved for Mexican Citizens and residents.  We were off the plane, got our bags, went through immigration and customs and were haggling with a taxi driver in less than 30 minutes from the time our plane landed.  Like old pros!  Side note:  Why, oh, why are people vacationing to the Banderas Bay in AUGUST??  Like, people were leaving their home states in probably the nicest month of the year, and coming HERE in like the WORST month of the year.  Do your research, people!  

Okay, this was a super long post and the bartender is probably ready to kick us out... Time to go back home and be internet-less and bored like an old Amish couple.  

Peace out, peeps!