Spanglish

As you can imagine... learning a new language has been a frustrating (yet entertaining) aspect of moving to a new country.  Ty took Spanish in both high school and college...and I took the more useful approach to life by taking French and studying American Sign Language on my own for "fun."  (What was I thinking?!)  So, up until a year or so ago I had very little Spanish speaking skills...I couldn't even say "my name is Alissa."    

Every time we've vacationed in Mexico, Ty would always do all the (very basic) communicating at restaurants and tiendas or on the bus...and I remember being impressed by his "skills."  Funny to think about now since I'm the more fluent one...(on account of me being a giant nerd and studying like it's my job and Ty whining at me every time I ask him to practice with me.) 

Before we left the states, in an attempt to prepare for our move, we signed up for a beginner Spanish class at the community college near our house...and it was a total waste of money.  It was a 2-hour class, once per week for 6 weeks.  Unfortunately for us, the instructor seemed more interested in impressing the class with his 3-piece suits, silk shirts and pseudo swagger than actually teaching us anything useful.  Also, he didn't know how to use a computer (or didn't want to) so all of our "handouts" were photocopies of sloppily handwritten "documents."  Um, what?  The other downside was that it was only a "community education" course... meaning no grades, no tests, no homework.  And considering we were both still working 60-hours per week back then, that meant no motivation on our part to do much more than show up.  

The one and ONLY takeaway I got from that class has been a useful one, however... he drilled this into our brains during every class and I still think these to myself several times a day when trying to pronounce a word (same is true in reverse...I use these to spell a word based on someone else's pronunciation too): 

• A = is always pronounced "AH"
• E = is always pronounced "AY" (or "EH" for my Canadian friends!!) 
• I = is always pronounced "EE"
• O = is always pronounced "OH"
• U = is always pronounced "OO" 

Of course, there are other variations... Like when certain vowels are paired together in a word and other things, but I'm no Spanish teacher and I'm not gonna get into all of that.  But if you're trying to speak Spanish and you consider these your "vowel rules" you'll succeed more often than not when it comes to pronunciation.  

So, let's say the word you're trying to pronounce is "esconder" (to hide.)  If you're an English-speaker, at first glance you probably want to pronounce it "ess-con-dur"...but if you use the "vowel rules" you'd pronounce it "ace-cone-dare."  I see fellow expats struggle with the vowels more than anything else, so maybe this will help some of them!  I get complimented on my Spanish all the time, but little do people know I'm over there reading a menu and thinking to myself, "I is always EE...E is always AY" before I even open my mouth to speak to a server.  Obviously, it becomes more natural as you learn more and more words...

Learning a new language has also given me mad respect for anyone who's ever had to learn English!  Because dayyyum!  How do you explain to someone that "threw" and "through" are pronounced the same but mean different things?  What about "wood" and "would?"  At least Spanish follows a consistent set of pronunciation rules!  They don't just go adding in random silent letters that serve no purpose.  (Yes, the letter H is silent, but still...) Someone trying to learn English can't just sound out every word like I can while speaking Spanish...  I have to recite these "vowel rules" to myself nearly every time I read aloud, but at least I have a set of rules to follow!  

Okay... enough nerdy stuff.  What you really want to know is how many times I've embarrassed myself while trying to navigate a new language.  Which is like, daily.  

When you're not fluent in a language and a native speaker is talking to you... You only hear the words you know and the rest is lost within seconds.  So, someone may say an entire sentence to you and you may only catch one or two words before staring at them like a gringo in headlights...OR you might take those two words you think you heard and make huge assumptions about what they were saying.  Like moi.  

Several months ago I was attempting to chat with a Mexican guy we had just met (who is now one of our buddies, because the locals are the funnest, duh) and we were all standing around a truck bed and drinking Pacifico and complaining about the mosquitoes (because there's not much else to do in the summer here)...and he rattled something off to me.  I only heard the words "gusta" and "cabello" and I had learned just enough Spanish to know that meant "like" and "hair" and since I had just gone to the salon that day, I THOUGHT he was complimenting me on my hair.  I blushed and smiled and started combing my fingers through my freshly-primped locks and said "Oh, gracias!" like a freaking moron.  

Turns out he was a life-long rancher and was asking me if I like horses.  (Te gustan los caballos?)  He, of course, looked at me like I was insane...since I was stroking my own hair and whatnot.  Fail.  

Words that are super similar are a recipe for disaster when you're learning a new language because it's hard to hear their subtle differences.  If you're trying to ask someone if they're hungry (Usted tiene hambre?) make sure you don't accidentally say "Usted tiene hombre?  Because then you'll be asking them if they have a man, instead of hunger.  And if you're asking the previously-mentioned rancher if he has a man, you might get a wide-eyed stare in response.  

Another tip I learned the hard way... When you're ordering tacos and you want to specify flour instead of corn tortillas...make sure you pronounce harina (flour) as "ah-REEN-ah" and not "ah-REYN-ah" because that's the way "arena" is pronounced and it means sand.  And if you tell your server you want some sandy tacos, she's gonna giggle at you.  

Another case of mistaken word identity was in our first month here and someone was talking to me in Spanish... I, of course, musta looked like a chimp on benadryl as I blankly stared at him, until I caught one word I knew... "perro."  

• Me to self:  "Oh, perro means dog!  He's asking about Bloo!"
• Also me:  *Smiles and pets Bloo and tells the man his name*
• Still me:  *Starting to wonder why he's looking at me like that and not petting Bloo*
• And then me:  "I don't think he's talking about dogs." 

That's the day I learned that the word for "but" is "pero" with one R and it sounds an awfully lot like "perro" to a gringo who can't roll her double R's.  Another fail.  

My many, MANY blunders aside... I've come a very long way in the 9 months we've been here thanks to lots of studying, charade-playing, patient/helpful locals, 12 weeks of Spanish classes, and making a fool out of myself on a daily basis while trying my best to speak the native language.  But I live in Mexico, so I'm gonna do my damnedest to speak Spanish!

Adios, mis amigos!  Necesito desayunar, nadar y tomar una siesta. La vida es dura!